Daring -- or yearning -- to be different

Nov 10th 2004

A reader, in response to my post on European naming regulations, took exception to the idea that American parents just want to be "different":

As for being different for the sake of being different, I would think that many of the unusual names are chosen for other reasons *in addition to* being different. Don't a lot of people look for names that are both different AND [beautiful, meaningful, sound good with the surname, etc.]

Certainly, parents aren't just flipping open their dictionaries at random. Most creative name choices are labors of love, selected for sound, meaning, heritage, and other uniquely personal reasons. But distinctiveness is a key component for many families today, a value in its own right.

The evidence is everywhere. Anecdotally, I often meet parents who are horrified to discover that the beautiful name they chose for their child is -- *gasp!* -- popular. Statistically, you can point to the rise of exotic letters like X and Z, and the increasing diffusion of popular names. In the 1950s, the top 10 names for boys and girls accounted for a quarter of all American babies. Today, it's less than a tenth.

But for the most direct evidence of what parents are actually looking for, let's turn to the places they look (besides The Baby Name Wizard, of course.) At sites like parentsplace.com and AOL Parenting, "baby names" is reliably the top search topic. At the general search engine Ask.com, it ranked among the top 10 search terms of the year for 2003. And a large percentage of those searches include the words "unusual" or "unique." According to Yahoo, only ethnic terms (e.g. Irish baby names) outrank "unusual," and at Overture "unique" outranks every modifier except "girl."

So while being "different" is not a sufficient condition to choose a name, for more and more parents, it's a necessary one.

Comments

1
By Anonymous (not verified)
November 11, 2004 1:47 AM

OK, you've convinced me! The evidence really is everywhere -- even in my own workplace. (A colleague with a new baby named Henry was dismayed when I commented that I knew another little Henry and maybe the name was becoming popular. OOPS! Wrong thing to say! They'd worked very hard to find an unusual name!)

2
By Anonymous (not verified)
November 11, 2004 11:57 AM

I agree that the sheer number of searches for "unusual baby names" indicates that many parents are looking for names that are out of the ordinary. But the *percentage* of searches for baby names that include words like "unusual" shouldn't be interpreted as the percentage of all parents who want unusual names. After all, if you want a common baby name, you aren't likely to do a search-- you can think of the common ones yourself! -J.M.

3
By Laura Wattenberg (not verified)
November 14, 2004 4:39 PM

It's a good point that searches for baby names may be skewed toward lovers of the unusual. After all, you don't need a web search if you want to name your son Joe. But given that "unique" and "unusual" outrank terms like "biblical," "spanish," "christian" and "celebrity" in baby name searches, it seems fair to say that lovers of the unusual are a pretty big market.

4
By Doug (not verified)
January 1, 2005 6:30 PM

My parents decided they wanted me to have a name that was "different", much to my dismay in childhood. (Gideon, for the curious) They did, however, hedge the bet by giving me a much more conventional middle name, which is now the name I generally go by.This was a concious decision - interestingly my Mom grew up hating her first name, and has used her middle name virtually all of her life. While her experience didn't discourage her from picking an odd one for me, it did give her the foresite to give me a decent "fallback" name, something I think parents should consider when they decide to get too creative.

5
By Anonymous (not verified)
February 16, 2005 3:44 PM

I have an unusual name, Christiane. I wanted unusual names for my babies, and more popular ones, for me, were "out", but I didn't want to name them something as bizarre as, say, "Dweezil".. They are boy/girl/girl, names are Davis, Tessalinnea, and Katen. Davis is a surname, Tessalinnea (Tessuhlinnayuh)is a combination of Tessa and Linnea, and Katen is a variant of the Irish "Caitlin".. i spelled it the way that i did, cause people read my name and see "Christine" instead of "Christiane" and I thought it would be easier.

6
By Anonymous (not verified)
February 16, 2005 6:16 PM

My mothers friend can not stand to put christmas garland on her tree, but yet, she named her son Jacob Garland. He is in his 20's now. Good thing that isnt his first name.

7
By Anonymous (not verified)
February 17, 2005 6:35 PM

been reading the blog this afternoon. great job! lots of interesting info that i'd never even thought about.

8
By Anonymous (not verified)
February 19, 2005 2:50 AM

Parents sometimes give their kids an unusual name so that they won't have to be Susie A or Susie D.

9
By Anonymous (not verified)
March 3, 2005 6:52 PM

I have always enjoyed having the "unusual" name of Daria. It sets me apart from others and provides small talk when meeting new people. As well, when I hear my name I'm sure that someone is talking to (or about) me. My brothers were not as fortunate - being named Bill, Bob and Jim. (Don't know what my parents were thinking!!)

10
By Sheila E. (Not the famous one) (not verified)
March 21, 2005 6:08 PM

I was expecting a boy when I had my daughter and was planning on the name Sean. When she was born, I had no idea of what to name her. We decided on Seandra. I had only known one other person with her name spelled that way before and I liked it, so I left it like that. But over the years, we have had to correct others with the pronounciation of my daughter's name. They have called her (Say-an-dra) or (See-an-dra) it is pronounced (Shawn-dra). So, I suppose it can be concidered pretty unique. Even my name is rather unpopular no-a days. But back in the 50's and 60's it was very big.

11
By Justine Case (not verified)
June 29, 2005 9:22 AM

I've noticed over and over, when reading naming forums such as this one, than many parents seem traumatized at having been a "Jessica R." or a "Lisa K." because they have had to share their first names with several of their classmates. So, to counter this dreaded last-initial saga, many of them, in their quest to be different, give their kids bizarre or made-up names (i.e. Jacex and Amberlydianne), or they slap their kids with a grotesque remix of a familiar name (Eelhyzabythe, anyone?) By doing this, the parents figure, their little bundle of joy will never have to suffer from the anonymity that his/her mommy and daddy endured.But this kids with these monsterous monikers will be suffering from a whole different set of problems that Jenny J. or Chris M. never would've dreamed of. All the new name hybrids that are abounding are, creative as they may get, still being molded from the same root names and sounds. As a result, they're all starting to blend together. This will, no doubt, create massive confusion for the Ashlyn, Ashleora, Ashlark, Ashleannah, and Ashtyn who all share the same classroom; more confusion, in fact, than a room full of Jennifers could spawn. The pulled-out-of-thin-air names will have to endure countless suprised reactions, snickering, puzzlement, and explanation requirements. Imagine how sick little Jayffney will become of having to explain to every new person he meets that his name is a cross between his parents' names, Jayson and Tiffany. At least "uncreative" names don't require an explanation to every new acquaintance.And the problems with the "kreighativve" spellings are obvious. It was annoying enough for me having to specify every once in a while that I was Christina with a "C-H" (darned kreighativve Krystinas of the 80's!). Imagine the horror of having to specify over and over again, "No, not "f." It's "Jennipher" with a "ph!" The more kreighativve the parents, the worse off the child. "No, it's not "A-S-H-L-E-Y." It's "A-S-C-H-L-L-E-I-G-H!" And, if you really want to get technical, you can name him Michael, Mikle, Michall, Mykll, or Nmikkl, but, when you call his name, it's still just going to be Michael.Oftentimes, when reminiscing of our childhood years, we project our adult brains into our childhood bodies, romanticizing some parts of our childhood that weren't really that great when we were actually living them ("man, Junior High was a wonderful time"), and shunning other parts that weren't really that bad. Most adults strive all their waking years to be recognized as individuals, and not just one-of-the-herd. Thus, they look back at the time when they were Derek L. or Tracy H. and shudder at what conformists they must've appeared to be. But, from the memories of my friends and I, sharing a name with somebody back then wasn't traumatizing--in fact, we thought it was pretty cool. Some of us kept count of all the "Name-Mates" we'd meet, and bragged to our friends about them ("I know FIVE other Emilys!"). The greeting-the-other-Name-Mate joke never got old ("Hi, Christina!" "Hi, Christina! Man, what an ugly name!" "Hey, it's not as ugly as Christina! Hee Hee Hee!"), and every time we saw somebody with our name (be it on the TV credits, or on a waitress' name tag), we'd excitedly squeal "Look, her name is Amanda (or Ashley, or Sheena) too!" Most childhood hardships involved not fitting in, whether they were triggered by acne, obesity, "wussiness," throwing like a girl, being bullied, or just being shy. Having a name fit in was not a hardship--rather,it was source of pride and belonging (come on, you Kreeaityves, admit it).Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that everybody should name their children only solid, established names. By all means, you don't have to name your kid Jennifer or Michael. I'm all for creativity and uniqueness, but pulling a name out of the mud just for the sake of avoiding the "Jenny L." syndrome can give your child problems that far surpass "name anonymity." I mean, come on...Nicholijah?!?!

12
By Anonymous (not verified)
July 17, 2005 1:19 PM

Unusual is great -- my name is Adele, and I rarely meet another one. Made-up names and weird spellings, though, are simply tacky.

13
By Emily (not verified)
August 11, 2005 10:03 PM

The idea behind a unique name is good, but it doesn't always work out... When I was born, Emily was a fairly uncommon name, but by now I end up having to go by nicknames or risk being one of twenty-three Emilies! In fact, my stepsister is an Emily, my niece is named Emily, and I'm pretty sure that my second cousin's name is going to be Emily.On top of that, I have the middle name 'Ann' which I will go by when hell freezes over. Uf da.

14
By Anonymous (not verified)
August 18, 2005 4:36 AM

I was at a store one time and the cashier was named Holly. I told her that my sister's name was Holly too. She laughed and said her parents were being mean when they named her because her last name is Day. My sisters name is Holly Rose. Both of her names are bushes. She was even dating a guy with the last name of Bush. We all laughed over that one.

15
By Blair (not verified)
July 14, 2006 4:52 PM

Unusual is good sometimes. As someone else said, you'll always know it's you and not the other person across the room. Still, it can be annoying. My name is Blair, and it often gets misspelled Blaire (it doesn't help that my middle initial is E!) and other times, people call me Claire.
At times I think I should just name my kids Sarah and Dan instead of Bethany and Jeremiah, just so people can spell their names.

16
By Kimberly (not verified)
April 6, 2008 8:44 AM

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