Oranjello and Lemonjello
So you've heard about the twin boys named Oranjello and Lemonjello, right? No? Then probably your aunt the nurse knew a woman who heard a beautiful name in the hospital where she was giving birth, and decided to name her daughter...Chlamydia. Or was it Gonorrhea?
These legends have been around for generations. The details change--the veneral disease girls would have been named Eczema 100 years ago--but the core is the same. The key is a stupendously ignorant mother who doesn't understand what she's done. And often, there's an ugly racial undertone to the humor.
Yes, people do get stupid and crazy names, but most of the parents knew what they were doing, for better or worse. Most of them. Here, for reference, are some of the most common tall tales of cursed children and the parents who named them:
Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Placenta, etc.: Sounds reasonable, right? Nope.
Oranjello and Lemonjello, the twins: Forget about it. Though Mark Lemongello did pitch for the Astros and Blue Jays in the '70s.
Male and Female--that's "MAH-lay" and "feh-MAHL-ay": The story is that the parents saw the word written on the baby's hospital bracelet and thought the doctor had already chosen a name.
Nosmo King: This one's from a sign in the hospital, get it?
Shithead--that's "shuh-THEED," thank you very much: No way. But don't neglect factual football star Craphonso.
Perhaps the most remarkable thing about the urban legend names is that they're not true. It's a big country, and you'll find plenty of real people named Robin Banks and Sunny Day.
Next up: Fact names, stranger than fiction