"What's up with the nicknames? Why not name your child what you are going to call them?"
- blog comment
I usually try to avoid taking sides in the great name debates. Traditional vs. creative, popular vs. unusual...there are valid arguments and stylish names on all sides. But when it comes to nicknames vs. full names on a birth certificate, I'm getting off the fence.
All else being equal, go with the full formal version.
"Why not name your child what you are going to call them?" For the same reasons that you have more than one kind of outfit in your closet. Different styles suit different occasions.
Many parents put formal names on birth certificates knowing full well that they won't call their child by that name. We all know plenty of them -- the Deborahs called Debbie, the Josephs called JoJo. Picture JoJo's parents way back when, reveling in the fun-loving nickname for their lively little boy. Now, 30 years later, JoJo's family and childhood friends may still call him that. But ask the folks who know him as an adult and they'll tell you they can't even imagine him as a JoJo. By the time he entered the working world he was introducing himself by the name on his resume, Joseph. He's hardly alone in wearing his full name like a suit and tie. Ever see Marty Scorsese or Chuck Heston listed in film credits? Martin and Charlton were deemed more suitable for the occasion.
So what happens to JoJo once Joseph takes over? With any luck the nickname lives on with a special status, as a mark of intimacy or long-standing relationships. When I was little I always loved hearing older relatives call my mother Ruth, "Ruthie." The nickname showed they'd been with her since she was a kid like me; it was a name that was always spoken with love. Some people even go through multiple nicknames at different life stages. Our Joseph may be a JoJo with his family, Joe with the college buddies, and Joseph as an adult professional. None of the names is right or wrong. Each one is a precious part of a life story and identity.
Is there a downside to choosing a formal version? Suppose, say, an Elizabeth wants stay Libby exclusively. That's seldom a problem. People are happy to call you whatever you call yourself. But suppose that Libby doesn't want what her parents want. Aha. This, I think, is the crux of the matter. "I want Libby on the birth certificate, otherwise she might decide she doesn't like it and wants to call herself Elizabeth instead!" May I gently suggest that is an argument in favor of full names, not against them? It's her name, not yours. If she ultimately decides that your preferred nickname doesn't fit -- or simply doesn't fit the occasion -- she'll be glad you left that choice in her hands.
Now, the caveats. Plenty of nicknames have become so well established as given names that they've earned their independence. Molly, Drew, Eliza and Jack are just a few of the many examples. Further, I wouldn't dream of telling parents to choose a name they actively dislike. If you love Libby but loathe Elizabeth, do what you've got to do. But if you're on the fence, I say err on the side of flexibility. An Elizabeth can always be Libby "for short," but a Libby can't be Elizabeth "for long."
Comments
YES! I am SOO happy this got posted!
My husband's ex wife remarried a guy who has a son with the same name as my husband's son! The new husband's son is older, so my hubby's ex wife decided that he deserved to keep the name, as he has gone by it longer and the other boy was only 1 when they got married... They started calling him Deuce as a nickname (like, the #2). Well, now she wants to legally change my husbands son's name to Deuce! She says he'll never want to go by his real name anyway, since that is his stepbrothers name... but Deuce? Who wants that on their business cards? Deuce Bigalow? Ugh, I'm having a hard time reasoning with her! My husband and I totally understand their reasoning, but we're thinking about maybe coming up with a whole new name for his birth certificate if she really feels like it has to be changed... Anyone with thoughts, feel free to give me some ideas here!
I know a girl named Ivy .. she married a guy named Robert -- there was one problem. Robert's last name is Ivey -- Yes - her real name is Ivy Ivey (Ugh. That is like nails on a chalkboard to me.)
I know a girl named Sylvia. She is in her early 30s/late 20s.
I also had a classmate named Dare .. my age, 36. She was pretty but very stuck on herself. She just named her little girl (an only child) ... are you ready for this? .. Emma Dare. LOL
My 90 year old grandmother's given name is:
Mary Elizabeth ... but she has gone by Lib all her life.
I love nn, I don't think there is anything wrong with them. cute story, my dad has a hearing problem so when he heard my son's name..Mateo(pronounced Matayo)he said "what they named him Potato?" now he has the nn potato bob from my dad tato from friends and family and taters or tater bug and then shortened to bug!
I love my short name and I'm glad there isn't a long version of it. My husband doesn't like to go by his "long name", even as an adult. Also, my parents named my brother with a certain nickname in mind and "people" told them they had to use a different nickname, which stuck. So our son has a short name (John) and I HATE when anyone calls him Jonathan. He was named after my grandfathers (middle:Robert) and as "adult" as his name may sound it fits our toddler to a T and we hope our daughters name will do the same when Leah Elizabeth comes in March.
My sister's name is Karlie and her middle name is Louise. Her long list of nicknames all stem from her middle name - from the simple Lou, LouLou, Loodle, Louis and Louie, all the way thru to Louigi (even on to Weegie and Weegie Bees). I was named Natalie but get Nat from most people. I like both though.
Well, I think if you give a kid a nickname, make it one that is associated with their formal name. Being a Michelle nn Missy, I grew to hate the name Melissa, because the world assumed I was a Melissa. I got the point I would ignore kids who called me that. Then they'd finally say Missy to get my attention and I'd answer "My name is Michelle or Missy NOT Melissa" I picked a name NOT nicknameable to other known names and also a good grown up name for my child. I do not regret it, but people end up trying to create nn from it. You can't win the game, just gotta play it.
Lisa,
Are you kidding? She wants to legally change his name to Deuce? Wow! I think your husband should keep the childs name what it is. When he grows up he won't be living with his step-brother and can use his name freely. Also, since they are not close in age there shouldn't be a problem in school. When friends call they can ask for him by his first and middle name or first and last to identify him. In high school I had a friend named Chris P----. His parents were divorced and his father remarried and adopted the children of his new wife. She had a son named Chris also. So now there were two Chris P----'s They were also 2yrs. apart in school. Now that was confusing.
My brother is the same way as Arlene's; his name is Matthew and my mother, brothers, and husband are about the only people who call him that. His wife and all of his friends (even those he was friends with before he was "Matt") call him Matt. My family's never been big on nicknames. I tried out "Mandy" for awhile, but it never really stuck. Also, I saw that quite a few Jessicas talked about being Jessi or Jess and my SIL (Matthew's wife) is Jessie by birth. Everyone thinks she's actually Jessica until they ask her and find out she's not. On a different note, keep in mind that sometimes nicknames can stick even though people really don't like them. I have a friend Libby who was born Elizabeth and is now trying to convert people to calling her Elizabeth. It was not her family who nicknamed her Libby, but a teacher who had like 4 Elizabeths in her class so Libby became Libby. I like the name Rosanna, but would NOT want my little girl called Rosie. No offense, Rosies.
I'll add another "amen" to the chorus. I am a Laura (born in 1973), called Laurie when I was little, but I grew to dislike the nickname. Maybe it was that there were a fair number of Loris (of various spelling) in my grade, but not many Lauras. Maybe it was that I was generally a serious little thing who wanted to be treated as mature beyond her years.
Some family members stuck with Laurie for a long while, but I think they now know my preference (finally). "Laurie," to me, does not say endearment; it says "relative who means well but is out of touch with who I really am."
I knew a Libby about 10 to 15 years younger than I, but I think she was a birth-certificate Elizabeth.
Lulu: And hey, if you don't have a seldom-used formal name, how will you know when your mom is really mad at you? ;)
Me: When she tosses your middle name into the mix. ;-)
I need some help with a nickname... my grandmother's name was Florence and I would like to name my baby after her. But, Florence sounds very old-fashioned. I was thinking of naming her Florence but calling her by the nickname Reni. Her middle name will be Claire. Is Reni too odd? Does it make sense as a nickname for Florence? I thought later she could go by Claire if she wanted to. Thanks for your help!
I am just "Beth" and have never had a problem being taken seriously, and I like it. My mom was going to put Elizabeth on the birth certificate. My dad said, "Why, if we are calling her Beth?"
My husband is just "Jake", and has also never had a problem having a nn. We have since followed suit with our kids; Jake II, Pete, Betsy, and Rosie.
Rosie is named after my mom, Rose. Interestingly enough, in 54 years, she has always been called, Rosie, even professionally. Most of her mail even says Rosie. So, in keeping with our nn philosophy, we named our fourth, just Rosie. We sometimes call her Ro or Rose.
I have been asked if Betsy is named after me from people who assume both of our birth certificates say Elizabeth.
I guess my point is, what is so wrong with a little playfulness in such a serious world. With everyone trying to outdo each other with weird and unique names today, I don't think by the time my kids,; 6, 5, 3, and 9 months, grow up, anyone will bat an eyelash at their names.
I don't have a problem with names that have nn or lack formal nn. Only that if there is a nn or multi-nns, that I must like all diminutives of the names before I would use it.
I used to say I wanted to avoid names that had nn, but my Mom pointed out there are some people out there who will insist on making up a nn if one doesn't exist. With that in mind, I decided, picking a name with an establish nn is better than leaving someone else to make up some silly nn for your kid.
However, I'm also glad Laura acknowledged some nn-names have become established their own right. Some names I love, started out as nn. For example, Greta. On other naming boards Greta has been chastised for lacking substance because it lacks a long version. I disagree, but I do agree that Suzie lacks substance and should be Suzannah or Susan.
On a related note, I completely disagree with calling someone a nn that has no resemblance to the giving name, like naming a kid William and calling him Sam - huh? Possible w/ non-nn name.
My name--"Christiana"-- is often aurally butchered by those who try to pronounce it. I grew up going by "Christi" but as an adult I give out my full name because it seems simpler, and won't confuse people who see a different name on the form. If they have a hard time pronouncing it, I tell them to call me by my nickname, but usually they just keep trying to say my full name.
I gave my daughter a simple name, "Claire", to hopefully avoid this problem for her! It can't really get any shorter, and it is not too hard to spell.
I have a fairly uncommon name (Daria as in Dah-ree-ah) and have a nickname that my friends use (Dory). I think it should be the child's choice (for when they grow up) to decide what to go by. I doubt a (nick)name like mine would look good on a resume, and I'm glad that my parents put the full name on my birth certificate.
We just found out our baby is a girl and would like to name her Kiki. We both love it. Obviously she should have a real name too and I think that Christina is the natural choice. However, my husband isn't really from a Christian tradition so I don't want to foist that on him. Are there other names that could logically lend themselves to Kiki as a nickname?
Loved what Laura had to say about the warmth of "JoJo" since that what's we call our son, Jonah, about half the time. I love it when my dad's relatives call him his baby name "johnny'
don;t do kiki
OK I haven't read every post before me but my question is this! There are alot of people that go by nick-names that I can't for the life of figure out what name it could have came from?
My nick-name is 'Bobbi Jo'...it stands for Barbara Joann ? which I think should have been Roberta Jo ??? but I'm glad it wasn't
I have seen Molly brought up alot as I scanned down to post..just to name one! What would Molly have sood for? And when I was growing up, my bestest friends name was 'Darlys' where did that come from?
Very well put. My mother was one of those poor babies born in 1957 who was named Vicki and who wishes she'd been named Victoria instead (my grandmother regrets not going with Victoria, also!).
As for my (future) children, my husband and I have tentatively picked out the names
William Patrick (intend to call him Liam)
Eleanor Yvonne (intend to call her Ella)
Susan Evangeline (Susie)
August Alexander (possibly Gus) :)
Options, options. It's a good thing.
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