You're well into the second trimester of your pregnancy. You're feeling fine, the baby has starting kicking and you're heading in to the doctor's office for a much-anticipated ultrasound. As the squirming image of the baby brings tears to your eyes, the ultrasound technician announces: "it looks like a boy!" You head home in a happy daze, marred only by this thought:
Uh-oh. Now I'll never be able to choose a name.
My husband and I loved debating girls' names but couldn't get too excited about any of the boys' options. (Our ultrasounds always said "girl," conveniently sparing us the decision.) Judging by mail from my readers the boy's-name block is a common experience, much more common than the reverse.
Why do so many of us find boys' names harder? Perhaps we're narrower in our notions of what's acceptably "masculine" vs. "feminine." Perhaps we're more conservative, less willing to go out on a creative limb. But perhaps -- for some of us -- the sense that "there just aren't any good boys' names" isn't mere perception.
Quick, which of these sets of girls' names appeals to you more:
A. Teagan, Ryleigh, Makayla
B. Isabel, Sophie, Evelyn
If you chose B, you're at much greater risk of boy-block.
For parents who embrace new or invented names, the choices are wide open. Kyler and Braeden, Colton and Jace are just a handful of the hundreds of new masculine names. The trouble awaits the fashionable traditionalists, the baby namers who have brought names like Isabel, Sophie and Evelyn back into style. For these parents, the sense that there aren't any suitable boys' names is flat statistical reality.
At some point around 200 years ago English boys' and girls' names diverged. Both entered a period of change, but girls far more so. Girls' names were tossed fully into the realm of fashion, so that a name like Evelyn could rise to the heights of popularity then fall out of style all in the space of just a few decades. Evelyn reached its peak in 1915, sharing the top 10 with other trendy names of the moment like Mildred, Dorothy, Helen, Ruth and Frances. But look at the top 10 boys of the same year:
John
William
James
Robert
Joseph
George
Charles
Edward
Frank
Thomas
As a group those names were popular for centuries before 1915, and all but George and Frank still rank among the top 100 boys' names today. Hmph. What's the fun in that? The most fashionable traditional names are those that were common in the past but dipped out of use 80+ years ago. They're familiar from history and literature but not tainted with the ordinariness of our own circle of acquaintance. That leaves them with the charming patina of antiques. Names like Thomas and James may be strong, timeless classics, but where's the spark that comes with "rediscovering" a forgotten classic? You can't rediscover something that never went away. In other words, the old-fashioned boys' names aren't old-fashioned enough.
I ran into this problem constantly when I was choosing the sibling name suggestions for the Baby Name Wizard book. Girl after girl seemed to match the same handful of boys. You can only suggest Emmett, Henry, Jasper, Julian, Leo, Max, Oliver, Owen and Theo so many times as matches for dozens of different girls' names.
So if you're looking for a little brother for Sophie and Isabel, it's not your imagination: boys' names really are harder. You aren't just restricted by your own tastes, you're at the mercy of the tastes of parents a century ago.
Comments
Thank you, Laura. I thought I wasn't making it all up myself!
Yes! We just found out our fourth child is a boy (after three girls!) and, honestly, we had a tough enough time deciding on the girls' names. This is going to be a challenge. Your insights verbalize the problem precisely--and that's comforting! Thanks!
Some "rediscovery" comes in looking beyond borders. James is lovely, but Seamus, Diego, Giacomo, Santiago, hmmmm, lots more choices there. Frank and George might not have much spark in them, on first glance, but Franco and Giorgio won't be so ho-hum. If Lee won't work, maybe Lev or Leo will.
I have the opposite problem, but no lack of choices for girls names. I just can't find a "perfect fit" as I've mentioned in previous posts. Boys were easier for us, as we wanted to use family names (and Keren hooked me on Judah like 9 months ago). If we ever get past more than a couple of boys, though and run out of family names, I'm in major trouble. :-) Boys are way harder to try and match since my preferences lie outside of the realm of old-school choices like our family names are (Charles, Robert, Theodore).
We had the opposite problem, too...we could think of plenty of boys names that we loved, but only a few girls names we liked at all, and none that we were willing to actually give our child. (Luckily, ours was a boy, so we never had to make a decision about a girl name.)
The boy name we chose was Lyle, which peaked in the 1920s and hasn't been on the top-1000 charts since the mid-1990s. We didn't chose it because it was uncommon or old-fashioned, but it does happen to be both.
You're right, it is hard. As Jewish parents, we wanted traditional names that reflected our religion but weren't too common (I vetoed Joshua right away, also Daniel, Jacob and Joseph), so we focused on the less common biblical classics, like Gabriel, Jesse, Joel, Simon, Ezra, Eli.
I also like Alan, Evan, and Ron, which fit the "ends with N" popularity, but are otherwise not currently trendy.
I briefly considered the more Israeli versions of Alan: Ilan, Elan, Elon, or Alon, which is hebrew for oak tree. I throw those out in case anyone else is interested.
While I'm on a Jewish tangent, I'll add that we used the kids' middle names to honor grandparents' hebrew names, so while their first names are normal if less common American names, their middle names: Zvi and Ephraim, are more unusual. But that's the beauty of middle names, to me, they can be meaningful but also hidden away.
I'm with you, Lynn. We may not have a lot of first names for boys, but we have a lot of middle names and they're all unusual, but also someone to look up to. We have firsts like Joseph, Benjamin and James paired with middles like Gideon, Luther, Azariah and Jefferson. It's still so hard to get that first name, though. Especially when your kids have 9 uncles and 7 male 1st cousins--a lot of names are already taken.
Thank you, Laura!
I'm willing to bet George breaks into the top 100, if not next year, the year after.
I think this explains so many of the other trends, too. For example, I think many surname/first names appeal to both creative namers and traditionalists. One thing I've noticed lately are more moms giving nns (and not just Jack :) ) as given names. This has been going on for a while with girls' names (see Ella and Maggie), but I think it's newer with boys. I've seen polls with names like Will, Vin, and Jake as the given name.
My sister is a much more creative namer than I, but she ended up with two very old, almost Victorian names.
Laura's data is another reason many moms of boys get irked by name "stealing," by mother's of girls.
I know we've discussed this to the point of burn-out, but just imagine the mom who thought she'd "re-discovered," Avery for her little boy a few years ago.
Of course, if I'd had a girl, I'd probably never have been able to choose. Choice can be a problem, too! Best all!
Spot on, Laura. I can name 100's of girls' names I like and only a handful of boys'. Guess I must be a 'fashionable traditionalist'. Also, the rate at which girls' names are being rediscovered and popularized is astonishing. Violet was my number one, but now feels like it's being monopolized all of a sudden. I already threw out Lily for the same reason... my latest favorite is Linnea, and guess what- it was being discussed only a day or two ago here. I'm not looking to be unique in my naming choices, just not overly popular! What is it with this mysterious zeitgeist phenomenon?
My husband and I actually have the opposite problem. We've decided on our favorite boys' names (Maxwell Canaan and Karol Emerson) but girls names have us stumped!
Are we the only folks like this?
Valerie-I love Linnea!
There Is something spooky about this site.
Remember when I mentioned Tamsen, and Gordon Danger's mom said that had been their girl name? How odd is that?!
Caty-I'm sure you're not alone! I'm intrigued by Karol Emerson. Would he have a nn? Just curious...
Great post, Laura. It's so true -- my husband and I have stuck with the same girl name through both of our previous pregnancies (both boys), but boy names were definitely harder. We named our first Thomas, after my fil, which I admit I really didn't care for. So common! So normal! The only way I could see to spice it up a bit was to call him just Thomas -- not Tommy or Tom ... since he was born three years ago, I've met four or five "just Thomas"es, ranging in age from newborn to eleven. Go figure! Our second we named Gabriel -- much more my style, and I rationalized it as a good fit as Thomas' brother because both names are Biblical. You cannot believe the number of people who think Gabriel's a girl's name, and no one knows how to spell it -- my poor little boy has gotten "Gabrielle" and "Gabriele" by members of my own family! It must be because we went "out of the box" as far as boy names -- creative and uncommon apparently seem to be thought of as feminine characteristics ... (cont)
(cont -- sorry, I'm always so verbose!)
If we have more boys, we have some Gabriel-esque names on our list (meaning more uncommon), like Oliver (albeit becoming popular) and Augustine, as well as some "Thomas" names (more traditional), like William and Philip. So I guess we're not too crazy -- we don't make names up, and I really don't care for the trendy modern boy names; anything we choose has a masculine history behind it. And I definitely don't want my boys to be embarrassed by any names we give them. I don't think Thomas will be; Gabriel always has Gabe to fall back on, which everyone seems to agree is very masculine. Parents seem to worry less about their daughters being embarrassed by their given names, no matter how unusual.
Kate - I think all the names you suggest are steeped in tradition, so they all go together even if some are more recognizable than others. I'm baffled by the inability of people to recognize Gabriel as a boys name. I went to HS w/a Gabriel (usual nn Gabe, occasionally called Gaby, just for fun since he was incredibly friendly). Always struck me as a very masculine name. Gabriel is the most popular angel mentioned in the bible - a warrior angel of sorts.
Any suggestions on girl's Celtic names that are easily recognizable in American culture (ie, spelled like they sound, or close to it)? I love Celtic names and both DH and I are of Celtic desent and we have a very Irish last name. I'm just drawing a blank lately.
Hijacking for a quick middle name poll. Simone...Olivia? Penelope? Josephina? Eden? Something else? We want it to flow with a one-syllable last name that contains an "an" within it. Speaking of popularity...one friend said they were using Simone as a middle name, another acquaintance said it was on her list, and one website comment said it was becoming more popular in the UK. I'm going to be one of those moms who thought she was original but is really just part of a new wave! :(
More on topic...we have a boy's name picked out if we ever have one (two names of public figures/authors we admire) but if it wasn't for that it'd be more difficult. Interestingly, we found it harder to think of female public figures that we admire...but that may be partly due to the keeping of women in the home for so many years!
What makes boys names so hard is that girls can be tough or feminine whereas boys only have the option to be tough.
For example:
A girlfriend and I were talking about the name Conrad the other day. We both love it---BUT we hate Connie as a nn for a boy and we know it will happen.
Girls can have names that have more masculine sounding nns without there being any sort of "issues". Mak, Kinney, Luka, or Gene just to name a few.
Jan, I really like Simone Olivia. Simone Penelope for some reason trips me up when I say it out loud. I think a 3-syllable middle name would sound good with your one-syllable last name. The name Aviva was mentioned the other day, which also sounds nice.
Is "Karol" to honor Pope John Paul II? That was his given name. Or are you Polish? Karol is going to be a tough sell in the U.S. Maybe the adversity will turn him into a saint, like his namesake. :)
I've always had the opposite problem! I can always choose boys' names that I like, but can never think of a girl's name that I like for more than 2 weeks. I think it is because boys name fashions don't change as quickly as girls. My choices for boys haven't changed in years, but they still sound lovely (to me ;)). However, the names I loved for girls a few years ago sound dated and/or too trendy and popular now.
Jan - I don't like Penelope, as it always reminds me of a cat in a story book. I love the name Josephina, but it seems too much for Simone, IMO. Too many syllables or something. I like Simone Olivia, Ariadne is also popping out at me. Either something very feminine (Victoria? Arabella? Cecelia?) or a surname name (Mackenzie? Parker? Ashton?)
Being someone who's not particularly interested in "fashion", it's hard for me to be _too_ sympathetic. But I guess I understand the statistics of "the problem."
Of course, perhaps we should remember that the dominance of a few male names during the 19th century in the USA was not quite as overwhelming as the statistics indicate, because it was much more common for boys to actually be called by their middle names back them. A great many of the Johns, Williams, and Georges were never addressed that way, but by a middle name which was often a surnames turned into given names, either from the family or from a famous person. Remember that Woodrow Wilson and Grover Cleveland had the first names of Thomas and Stephen on their birth certificates. I myself am a Cleveland because my maternal grandfather was named after Grover Cleveland, but he was never called Grover but was always addressed as Cleve or Cleveland, from his middle name.
I think there also are a few more male names which might be available for revival soon than have been listed already. Lewis is a name which has already come back strongly in the UK, and should be increasing in the US soon. In another decade or so parents in their 20s will probably be able to find Walter and Arthur "cool" again. Ellis is already coming back, and Harvey, along with Harry and Lewis, may eventually be imported by Americans from the UK once some of the English boys with those names are old enough to be rock or movie stars.
Some male names that were fairly common in the 1850 census of Michigan that haven't been revived as strongly yet as the could be would include Lyman, Hiram, Ebenezer (which could be updated by using its short form Eben), Abram, Cyrus, Silas, Nelson, Alonzo, Augustus, Erastus, Amos, Chester, Milo, Theodore, and Anson.
Kate, I really like Augustine too. I plan on using it for a middle name if I ever have a boy. My question for anyone is how you'd pronounce it - I prefer Augustine with a "tin" sound at the end. I've heard it pronounced with a "teen" sound, as in the Florida city. The emphasis is also different. Just curious which you'd use.
I agree with with Laura that there aren't many boys names that I like. Ambrose is one I'm starting to like, but I can't figure out a good nickname!
I, too, am tripped up on boys' names. We are set on a girl's name (first name at least), but I'm having a hard time finding one I really love for a boy. I love the rediscovered classics and the pan-European names, but these days it seems like everyone else does, too! Right now my list is:
Linus
Silas
Langston
Sirius
Elias
I like them all, but I'm not totally in love with any of them. Hubby has already nixed Oscar because of the Grouch.
Ditto to those posters who haven't had a problem finding good male names. As Protestants, we were drawn to the rich Judeo-Christian tradition, and especially like the lesser-used Biblical names-- Nehemiah, anyone? Of course, even these eventually get discovered and used, voraciously.
Like lynn, we're attracted to Israeli names too. Love Alon and Zvi. Also Shmuel, Boaz, Moshe and on and on. Love "Israel" as a first name also, of course-- for historical, biblical, and political reasons! This is traditional with a twist!
There are HUNDREDS of very viable male saints names that are little used and distinctive. Then there's that whole category of "traditional" names that I think of as medieval, or medieval-derived, like "Piers", and "Giles" and so many others. Many names from the classical Roman and Greek period, or mythology, like "Castor", etc. Finally, surnames that are NOT the much-used Tanner and Cooper category-- too many to count but I used "Wakefield" as an example a while back... continued
traditional boys' names, cont'd.--
Not to mentioned the almost forgotten Celtic names ("Cadfael" and so on) that haven't been taken up by the masses. In short, it doesn't take much research to come up with glorious male names that are certainly "traditional" in the sense of having an illustrious history, but have never been trendy and are blessedly free of that synthetic, "made-up" feel of many modern names.
Sorry to be so passionate, but I've been thinking about this stuff for decades!
Laura has once again managed to articulate exactly what I have felt but couldn't explain. We just had our third boy, and we love boys, but each naming process was more of a chore than an exciting discovery. I kept finding myself wandering over to the girl sections to daydream about all of the abundant, beautiful, exciting options. It looks like I'm in the "B" group, because we wound up with Samuel, Gabriel, and Nathaniel. All perfectly good names, but nothing that thrills me to my fingertips like so many of my imaginary daughter names!
I'm in my late 20s, and both Arthur and Abram are on my list for the baby I'm expecting in November - if only I could convice my husband to go along with Arthur! I adore it, with Art as a nickname. He still thinks it sounds like an old man.
Regarding easily-recognizable Celtic girls' names - Maeve comes to mind. I think the original spelling had a b in it, but Americans would likely be thrown by the "b".
I'm in my late 20s, and both Arthur and Abram are on my list for the baby I'm expecting in November - if only I could convice my husband to go along with Arthur! I adore it, with Art as a nickname. He still thinks it sounds like an old man.
Regarding easily-recognizable Celtic girls' names - Maeve comes to mind. I think the original spelling had a b in it, but Americans would likely be thrown by the "b".
Jan-I like all those names on their own, but I'm not really nuts about any of them with Simone. Wish I could explain it better...
Could I suggest Giselle?
I think Simone Giselle is just about perfect!
I think boys' names are a lot harder to find, too! Especially as my fiance refuses to talk about boys' names anyway - he only wants girls... BTW, i told him about the suggestions I got here yesterday. Unfortunately, he still doesn't like Athena; or Aviva (which I really liked!) but surprisingly, he absolutely fell for "Faye"! So at least that's one thing sorted ;)
As for boys, I like Finlay and Alasdair, and Adair which someone suggested as a girl's name - I think it makes a much better boy's name though! Alas, my dear H2B deems them to be "too scottish" - seems I can't win!
Maybe the difficulty with boy's names is, you want them to be more "rooted" than girls' names - at least that's how I'd feel - hence you want them to be more traditional, and not to be too far from your background. I really like some of the more jewish names that Lynn mentioned - but for me, it just "wouldn't fit". For some strange reason though, I don't think I'd be as fussy with girls' names (Athena is after all a Greek name).
Astrid - the original spelling of Maeve is "Madbh" (the d makes for the ae-sound, and the bh is the v)
I found that with boys' names I had strong opinions - they either worked completely or not at all. And we either agreed strongly or not at all. So we could easily have named about six sons (Daniel, Judah, Gabriel, Jacob, Alexander, Luca, Nico) but would have had had trouble after that. Ethnicity does play a part - ther were lots of Celtic names that I like bit felt were just too Scottish/Irish for me - Finn, Milo.
Girls' names were more difficult because there were lots we liked, but not that many we felt strongly about. So I could quit easily name 20 fictional characters with names I love, but an actual daughter...not so sure. If it were to happen (and we're not planning another baby) then we'd be looking to honour my late mother in law, whose name was Minnie, so maybe Miranda or Jasmine. Otherwise the only girls' names that stand out for me are Verity and Jemima.
Caty: What are your reasons for choosing those names? They seem more on the androgynous/sensitive/unmacho side to me. (Also my own taste.) I wonder if you have a clearer idea of how you want your sons to be, or how their names need to be (masculine enough), and are less sure of how you want your girls to be or how their names need to be. Maybe also related to the broader options for female behavior (ie. wearing pants or a skirt, being a tomboy or a girly girl).
Re: Gabriel: I can't believe people have trouble understanding that this is a boys' name either! I do remember feeling sorry for the Gabriel at my elementary school being teased because his name had "gay" in it. Do you think that is one reason it is not widely used? Anyway, now I love the name, though!
Jan: I like the middle names with 3+ syllables.
The 'gay' aspect of Gabriel did put us off a bit - in fact I think that's why we chose Judah over Gabriel in the end.
Astrid - Arthur is great, very up and coming in the UK - David Cameron the Conservative party leader has just called his son Arthur (not sure that's a recommendation but sign of a trend) His other children are Nancy and Ivor.
Rachel G, did you like Sirius because of the Harry Potter books?
I like Simone Olivia, but it does sound a little like you wanted a boy called Simon Oliver. I love Simone though, very elegant. Maybe something uncompromisingly female - Simone Claire; Simone Daria; Simone Tamara?
What do you think about Sabol (pron. Sable) for a boy's name? It's my grandma's maiden name. I don't know if my dh would like it. Do you think it sounds masculine, or will everybody expect him to be a girl? How about as a middle name with Augustus? I also like Raleigh, which I saw at work (healthcare) on a 70 yr old man.
What do you think about Sabol (pron. Sable) for a boy? It's my grandma's maiden name. Do you think it's masculine, or will people expect him to be a girl? What about as a middle name with Augustus? I also like Raleigh, which I saw for a 70 yr old man at work. It doesn't really fit my naming preferences, but for some reason I liked it immediately.
It works fine as a middle name. A bit odd as a first name.
I think we had an easier time with boy names. I liked Arthur, Lewis, George, Hugh, Peter, Felix, Jonas, Oscar, Theodore and Jasper. With all the little Jaydens and Logans running around the US, my list sounds fresh!
I love the name Gabriel and don't get the "but it's a girls' name" thing either. Someone I know has a daughter named Gabriel, pronounced like the boys' name, and every time I hear it, I think, "But that's a boys' name!"
Too bad about people having a negative connotation because of the "gay" part. I also love the name Gaius but fear that a child with that name would have a tough time. And yes, Battlestar Galactica is a big influence! Great name, great character.
We have an easier time with boys since the list is so small. We stick with mostly Biblical/traditional names so it is much easier. The problem with girl names is that there is so much to chose from it is hard to decide.
I love the name Simone -- wanted it as a middle name for one of my girls, but my husband couldn't get past the "moan" sound in there. Sigh. He also nixed Charlotte due to the embedded word "harlot". Really, he can be ridiculous.
Hi Laura - Regarding your A&B name sets, I would use Teagan AND Sophie (Teagan Sophia perhaps?), so where does that leave me? I am far more open to using a combination of styles within one name. Have you ever written about this? For girls, I love Avery and Greer AND Elizabeth and Caroline AND Beatrix and Honor. For boys, I love Wyatt and Beckett AND Henry and Jasper AND Matthew and Thomas.
Am I the only one?
(The only names I truly don't care for are those that are made up or creatively spelled.)
The greater variety of girls' names can make naming them ahrder than boys. There are dozens of girls names we like (and we have three daughters), but if we ever have a boy, he will be named for my husband's grandfather. It makes naming girls more difficult.
Speaking of creative spelling, (Nina) I work at a hospital and see all kinds of interseting names. I was stumped by one recently, though. It was "Jaxon." I thought for a moment that it was "Jason" with a typo, since s and x are so close together. But no, it was "Jaxon," pronounced "Jackson." All kinds of confusion there.
Ruby - Yes, Jackson or Jason are just fine. But to me, Jaxon is that orange residue that gets stuck on your fingers after you eat a bag of the gross-but-sometimes-not-gross JAX cheese puffs.
this does not really have to do with this post, but a baby name question that I was hoping you or someone reading this could help me with. How do you pronounce the female name "Leni", as in Heidi Klum's daughter. I have heard LEN-ee, LEAN-ee, and LANE-ee. I would love to see what people have to say! thanks!
I have never had a hard time choosing boy names here personally. I have always had a hard time with the girl names. Luckily we have 3 sons & 1 daughter with another son on the way. This son coming on Oct. 8th is Drew Edward. But this time I did have a beautiful girls name which I didnt get to use. Madeleine Casey would have been the name had Drew been a girl. If anyone likes it, the names yours! Since this is our very last child, & thats a guarantee! lol I think 5 is definitely enough for me. The age range here is 12 to 16 months currently the little one will be 18 months when her new brother comes into this world!
Valerie: A friend is having a girl in a few months and her top two choices are Linnea and Annika. She cannot decide. Have you seen the children's art appreciation book "Linnea in Monet's Garden?" I've loved the name since discovering that book years ago.
And I agree with you about Violet - old news already thanks in a big part to the current use in Hollywood. Now it just looks like you're following the trend. I can hear lots of people saying "NO! I did not name her Violet because of Ben & Jen!" (I've actually only met one Violet and her mom said "This is Violet - I named her BEFORE Ben & Jen!" :)
Nina- thanks for the book recommendation- I'll look out for it. Funny, I like Annika too (ever since Pippi Longstocking)!
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