Every life is a series of choices and chances, paths taken and not taken. We can ponder the unknowables of who we would be, if. If we'd grown up in a different place, or a different time; if we'd chosen a different school or a different career; if we'd looked different, or even been a different sex. This last "if" has a special quality -- from the point of view of this blog, at least. Because for most of us, our opposite-sex alternate reality has a name.
Even in this age of ultrasound, most parents still consider both boys' and girls' names for each baby-to-be. In some families, the unused name is later given life in the form of a younger brother or sister. In many cases, though, the name simply lingers in parents' minds as personal connection, insubstantial yet meaningful. My husband and I had just-in-case boys' names picked out when our daughters were born, and I still feel a sentimental attachment to those names. On some level, they're still "mine"...and in that way, they belong to my daughters, too. But of course my daughters don't remember those names, and can only hear them as foreign to themselves.
In fact, my own alternate-sex, alternate-reality name feels just as foreign to me. I was taken aback when my mother informed me that if I had been a boy, I would have been named Evan. Now Evan is a fine name indeed. It even ranked as one of the most "likeable" of all names in my informal poll a couple of years back. But it doesn't feel like me.
It's a mind-bender of a question, "what name would suit you if you were the opposite sex?" That's a lot of layers of hypothetical to fight through. Yet it's clear to me that Evan's light, contemporary Celtic style doesn't fit my image of myself.
I can't help but wonder how much that is shaped by the name I have borne all of these years. Laura and Evan are very different in history and style. If I had lived my life as, say, "Megan," would Evan seem like a more natural masculine alter ego? And if so, does that mean that as a Megan, I would have a different sense of self?
Try the exercise yourself: think about what you would name your own opposite-sex identity today. Not necessarily the name you like best, but the name that feels most natural to you. How does it relate to the name you actually bear -- and, if you know it, to the name you would have borne in your parents' alternate reality?
Your Alternate-reality Identity
10/15/2008, 12:47PM
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Comments
While it's a little too adventurous for me, I kind of like Shadrach. Although I am pronouncing the As like the As in father... sort of like Shod-rock but with a "dr" sound... like Sha-drack... if that makes sense... I really like Shad as a NN--Chad with a twist.
As for the male legacy names, my friend's husband is Robert MN LN, he always goes by his middle and hates Robert. Yet he still wanted to give Robert to his son and have him go by his MN. We all didn't get it, but apparently some fathers feel very strongly about these things.
My mom just told me that I would've been a Lawrence if I were a boy. That definitely does not seem very "me!"
We actually named our daughter after what my husband would have been named had he been a girl (Anna)--a sort of roundabout way to name our daughter after him. So his "alternate reality identity" name was used a generation later!
(As weird as it sounds, I can see Anna working well for a female version of my husband, too.)
An earlier post mentioned the name Rasmus. Im loving it as a distinctive MN choice. :)
Quick question. Do you think Rowan Henry has an OK flow? Does the wan-hen sound make you cringe?
I like the flow of Rowan Henry... I'm not sure what about it could make anyone cringe!
Rowan Henry doesn't have any flow problems for me, either,( although when you pointed it out I started to think hmm, Henry Rowan might sound nicer)
I wouldn't worry too much about the wen-hen, because unless you will routinely call him by his first and middle name, he will most likely hear it as Rowan Henry LN, which changes flow a bit.
I like Rowan Henry. I would not worry about the alleged wan-hen. I see our point but I do NOT hear it.
New babies:
Nina - sadly pro. nine-ah, which would be ok but she is the 9th baby for this family. nms
Jason Isaac - dad is Jason, baby to be called Isaac
I think Rowan Henry is very handsome.
We do have some posters who have or know of girl Rowans, if that is an issue at all.
On Shadrach-
I think a lot of folks would assume that a little Shadrach was either African American or the child of very religious parents.
Of course, there is a well known saying about the dangers of assumptions.
I confess-I think Nine-ah is clever.
Now, if they continue with Tena, I take it back!
My opinion of the name Shadrach really depends on how the family would pronounce it. I have no clue why, but when I saw it I actually thought that it might be Scottish in origin and read the last syllable as a gutteral ch, not "ck". I was very amused to learn that it was actually Biblical, thus rendering my assumed pronunciation correct for completely the wrong reason. I guess there was something distinctly non-English about it and so I went for a "foreign" pronunciation.
But let's assume for now, until further educated, that the appropriate pronunciation here is one of those mentioned above.
Okay, as I type this I am liking the name less. Initially I liked it, especially for the Biblical story that goes with it (some good old-fashioned divine intervention and showing people the evils of their ways, and all that). However, as I say it in my head, using the much more likely ending of "ck", it's becoming very choppy and nasal.
... Think of "Aflac" as said by the duck in the commercial.
Sha-drak.
But people don't tend to sit repeating names over and over, so that's neither here nor there. Yes, like the meaning, like the look, unsure of the sound. I think it could grow on me.
And the only way that Rowan Henry could be seen not to flow is if the quick recurrence of the "n" hampers its smoothness. Until I really concentrated on how it comes out, I never would have thought to consider that there was a problem with it.
I would have been Phillip, which eventually became my brother's name. If I were a guy, that's as good a name as any, or Michael.
Ok, I am a fan of Shadrach, but then again I like obscure Old Testament names. So...with that in mind....You need to prepared for that association. Do you mind me asking if it has anything to do with the story or you just like it?
I volunteer at a performing arts afterschool program in Harlem during the school year. We met tonight for the first time this year, and I'm full of names. The kids are aged 7-9, mostly African-American, mostly girls. There were 25-30 of them there tonight (with about 6 boys in the group).
Interesting names:
2 Kaylas and 1 Shayla
Tamiya and Namiya (spelling could be wrong)
Brianna
Jennifer
Melissa
Brendon
Bryan (the little 80s/90s subset, as I thought of them)
Jaylon and Jayvon (boys)
Janey (pronounced Juh-NAY)
Joi (pronounced Joe-AYE)
The most surprising was a little girl named Adonai. Am I correct that this is a Hebrew word/name for God? She pronounced it just the way I've always heard it at Bar/Bat Mitzvah services and Passover seders with my husband's family. I've never heard of anyone having this name before. Am I wrong in thinking that this would be an inappropriate name for a person in the Jewish tradition? (please correct me if I have the wrong impression). I also have no knowledge of this girl's religious background.
I would've been Jorge if I'd been a boy. I'm named after my mom as it is, and Jorge is my dad's name. We're big on family names. Jorge would suit me, I think. It's classic, but not common, like Frances, but a little more exotic.
Of course, I hated having an uncommon name as a kid, and it would've been even worse if it were constantly mispronounced (there weren't many Latinos were I grew up). I wonder if I would've Anglicized the pronunciation like my dad did.
I think Shadrach is interesting. It is a little more unusual than what I would normally use but I like it. It has a certain something.
I think Rowan Henry is lovely.
I like the flow of Rowan Henry but like Henry Rowan even more. Plus you get the added benefit of the child being called Henry which obviously limits the question of gender.
Shadrach could grow on me but that type of name is really nms. My first thoughts make me think of Shaq/Shaquille and similar names. It feels African American to me.
Coll-How would you pronounce Adonai? It first looks like Ah-don-AY or ADD-oh-Nigh. It makes me think first of Adonis then I hear the Dough sound like Doughnut and get turned off by it.
Yes, Adonai is used as the 'name' of G-d in Jewish prayers. The sound actually doesn't correspond at all to the letters used to spell it - the story I have heard is that during biblical days the high priest would say the name out loud during certain religious services, but over the years we have lost the knowledge of how to say it and have substituted 'Adonai'. I'm not sure where the word Adonai comes from; perhaps someone more knowledgeable can chime in.
In any event, I have never heard of anyone with that name and it does seem highly inappropriate to me. I suppose the fact that it is essentially a substitute name makes it a little better, but still... I wonder if the parents knew the meaning and decided it was ok - after all in some cultures Jesus is an acceptable name and in others it isn't? Jesus was a man though even if you believe he was the son of G-d, so that feels different to me. Or perhaps the parents had heard the word and just weren't aware of how it is used.
zoerhenne, it's pronounced Ah-doh-NYE.
Re: Shadrach, I can't say I'm a fan. I know someone named Shad - not sure if it's a nickname or a full name - and I've never much liked it. It sounds like sad to me, plus it's easily confusable with Chad, which is more common.
Re: the name Shadrach
I went to grad school with someone named Shadrach who went by the nn Shad. The name itself is not my style but I don't hate it. It feels very Hebrew to me (though I fully admit I don't even know if it is Hebrew in origin at all.)
I learned a song in church as a kid that had a line about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in it. I had trouble talking to Shad without getting that song stuck in my head (which was especially annoying as I could only remember one line and it would just play over and over again.) While there are a lot of names that have songs, I think this one especially called up the song for me because the name is so uncommon and the song was the only other place I had heard it.
"Benjamin" or "Ben" has always been a popular name. Not top ten but up there...top 50 for sure. I know at least a couple in each generation from under 3 to 80. Most Jewish actually.
I really like the name and the nickname "Ben" as well. It's nice and simple, timeless. I won't use it myself but it's always been one of my favorite common boy names.
I want to like Shadrach, because I do dig the hardcore OT names, but the sound of it is a little harsh and choppy for me. I think it's neat in print, but I don't like it so much when I say it out loud (I'm saying "shad-rack" with equal emphasis on each syl.).
I think Rowan Henry is a wonderfully handsome name. They're both favorites of mine (especially Rowan), and I think they flow well--the repetition of the -en sound in different parts of the words may even help to make it sound more memorable and harmonious. What was that name book that talked about putting together harmonious phonemes? Someone remembers what I'm talking about, I'm sure.
I'm not particularly religious, but I find Adonai as a name somewhat offensive. Well, maybe offensive isn't the right word, but it certainly seems very inappropriate. I felt the same way when I saw the name "Messiah" on a cubby in my neighborhood elementary school. It just seems wrong. I don't really care for Jesus that much as a given name, either, but I agree with Another Sarah that that seems at least a *little* better because it was the name of a man.
I know many, many Bens (I'd estimate, at least a billion) and none are Jewish. Yet it doesn't feel over-saturated to me.
I quite like Shadrach, even though it would never be on my list. It's got a great story behind it (assuming you're not opposed to cremation, especially of the living), a great sound, and strikes me as fun and hip.
And yes, Adonai is a name of God. It doesn't literally mean "God"-- it means "Lord" (and interestingly enough it's in the plural, which Christian theologians have made much use of over the years supporting the concept of the Trinity, much like 'elohim'). It strikes me as an immodest choice, though in the African-American spiritual tradition I'm sure it's meant to convey religiosity rather than actually compare the child to God. One the other hand, her family could be Five-Percenters (though they'd be unlikely to choose a Hebrew name since they're nominally Nation of Islam).
If my son Remy had been a girl, He would have been Sloane because I thought the character in Ferris Bueller... was fantastic. Now I'm so glad we had a boy.
If my son Kelson had been a girl, he would have been named Eulalie after the poem by Edgar Allen Poe.
Things tend to happen how they're meant to though. I'm just glad I didn't end up a Tom.
I would be quite intrigued by any child names Adonai. Strikes me as odd.
Shadrach: I can't hear anything past the fiery furnace and Daniel and his comrades Meshach and Abednego.
I'll be honest: I don't care for Shadrach.
On the other hand, I feel like Adonai is not so odd. I mean, the name Trinity really offends me... but Adonai (as someone said above) means "Lord," which to me is different. It's not the NAME of God. And in fact, many, many names have "the Lord" as part of them: Elijah, John, etc.
Let me see if I remember this correctly from Old Testament class:
YHWH was written as the name of God in the OT without vowels (Hebrew didn't get written with vowels until the Middle Ages). Those reading aloud would always substitute "Adonai" for YHWH because you weren't supposed to say the name of God. Then, when the vowels got written in the Middle Ages, they kept the consonants for YHWH, but put in the vowels for Adonai. Which confused the Europeans, who then thought the name was Jehovah - and that is where Jehovah comes from.
There! It's probably not perfect, but I think that's roughly how it went.
If Emmanuel/Immanuel is okay, I suppose Adonai should be okay as well.
Shadrach makes me want to ask, "Where is Meshach and Abednego?" The three young men, "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego" even have their own collective Wikipedia entry.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abednego
I was interested to discover that Shadrach is a name that refers to a Babylonian God, rather than a Hebrew name. See link.
Sorry for hogging the board.
Gillian Anderson just had a boy named Felix. He joins Oscar (how many The Odd Couple references will she get?) and older sister from a previous relationship, Piper.
It's interesting to me that many of you are pronouncing Shadrach SHAD-rack or SHOD-rock... Am I the only one who is pronouncing the -dr- as in drudge? I would say it like SHA-jrack or SHAH-jrock or something...
I would have been name Jared William if born a boy. Oddly enough, my high-school sweetheart was named Jarrod William.
If I think about what name closely matches Christina, Christopher naturally. And the weird thing about that--It's my husband's name. We even have similar sounding middle names. It makes me wonder if we are attracted to people with names that match ours.
My mom and dad are listed as siblings for each others names in Laura's book. Weird huh.
I guess I'm pronouncing Shadrach the way it was pronounced in the songs in Sunday school. Probably not a really reliable guide, but it was definately said (sung, actually) SHAD-RACK.
On Shadrach, I agree that it probably _should_ be pronounced in the Hebrew way (or in this case more accurately, the Persian way), but I think it would get the "Shad-rack" pronunciation more commonly. I think the pronunciation on it would be a losing battle...
And I realized that it's exactly that pronunciation that bothers me most -- that oh-so-American "a" sound. (The comparison to Aflac is an apt one.)
Another name (coincidentally also Persian) that's on the table avoids that exact problem: Tarek. With Tarek it seems very natural for the first syllable to rhyme with "tar" or "bar" or "car," a sound I much prefer.
We weren't talking about the name because of its links to the OT, though I did know about the story. The wikipedia link was great and very informative. Very interesting that the name is more Babylonian than Hebrew.
Thank you for all the great feedback on Shadrach. I'm still on the fence about it myself, but at least I understand some of the reasoning more clearly now!
re Shadrach- I'm pronouncing it SHAD drick, essentially (first syllable rhyming with Chad). I don't like it when I say SHAD RACK or SHOD rock.
Funny story re the name "Messiah"-
Years ago, dh had 3 brothers who were Japanese in his classes/on his football teams... Masato, Masashi, and Masaya. All pronounced pretty much the way they read (to my eyes, at least).
He was calling the youngest one muh SY yuh for several months until mom came in to meet with him and said (VERY nicely, she was laughing the whole time), "My son's name is said mah suh YAH. He's got a big enough ego as it is without you calling him God all the time!"
That's pretty funny Trish because on first glance I said Mah-SY-uh too!
I was gonna post about Gillian Anderson's boy but I can see that Tirzah beat me to it.
However, I just remembered we were watching for Lisa Marie Presley's names for her twin girls. In case no one posted this yet-According to Star, Lisa named the girls Finley and Harper.
dee,
I know a man named Tarek (Egyptian heritage), and I've always thought it was a strong, pleasant name. Everyone here pronounces it TAR-ek, heavy emphasis on the first syllable, which does rhyme with car. I like that much better than Shadrach, which, like Aflac, has a pretty even emphasis on each syllable and that harsh A sound to boot. If Shadrach had a flow more like Frederick (which I tend to say with two syllables--"FREH-drick" or actually more like "FREH-jrick"), like what Clementine was saying, I would like it a lot more.
Trish--funny!
I was going to be Christopher if I was a boy. I think I would have liked being a Chris because my name is very rare and at times I wish my name blended in better. I asked my MIL about DH and he would have been a Jennifer (no surprise, born in 82). The funny thing is, she mentioned she really wanted to name DH Christopher but she had to carry the family name and make him a fourth. What a coincidence!
I was really surprised last week when DH mentioned a name that he likes because he usually hates talking about names. The name is Winston. I am not crazy about the name but the fact that DH actually mentioned it is making me look at it twice. My first thought when I heard the name was Churchill but then my thoughts turned to cigarettes. I don't think I could ever get past the cigarette association and that is what is stopping me from liking the name.
What do you all think of Winston?
sme -that's funny, my DH brought up Winston too! And he rarely brings up names. I think it's cute, but it does not work with my ln followed by his ln, both being extremely WASPy names similar Winston. Our child would sound like a law firm. I also used to work for a law firm that had Winston in the title, so it was not possible for me.
I think Win is a cute nickname.
Celebrity birth announced today here in the UK - actors Billie Piper and Laurence Fox have called their son Winston James Fox. Sounds like your DHs are spot on trend...
I like Winston a lot. And I am normally so-so on last-names-as-first names unless they are from the family tree. I would never have thought of the cigarettes unless you had mentioned it. I DO think of Winston Churchill, but I really can't imagine any boy who wouldn't want to share his name with Churchill. Boys love tough-guy role models like that.
I would have been Grant, which is my younger brother's name. If he'd been a girl, he would have been Lauren.
Re: Masaya
There is actually a town in Nicaragua, Central America called Masaya. It is pronounced in the Spanish mah-SAH-yah, which sounds similar to Messiah in English
I used to help out at a pre-school drop off before my classes started. One of the three-year-old's was named Winston. I never would have considered the name before meeting him, but he was the most adorable, stoic little man that he quite positively flavored the name for me.
By the way, his family nicknamed him Winky. :)
New baby alert - Indian community:
K3shava Sach1n (boy)
I'm so curious to know more about Adonai.
My bet is it's a created name-like her parents were playing around with Armani or maybe she had Aunts named Donna and Denae...
On Finley and Harper....
Does anyone find them almost too matchy?
I feel like if someone asked for suggestions for Finley, Harper would be on all of our short lists....which I guess should make me like the combo., but somehow they seem almost too similar.
I think I'd prefer something like Harper and Lucy, or Finley and Hazel.
Does that make sense to anyone, or am I just being too nit picky?
dee-If you're feeling really adventurous, I think I mentioned in another thread that I know a baby Xarik (just like Derek with a Z sound at the front).
I did have a student named Tarik. His was also like Derek, rather than with the tar, car sound.
I think with more unusual names, you'll probably find you get a whole range of pronounciations.
I'm still deciding how I feel about Winston.
I think I may have encountered too many stuffy children in stories by that name. Am I imagining that?
It might grow on me, though.
I am pretty sure Winston was a character in Sweet Valley Twins. Like a geeky friend or something? Or a guy that had a crush on Elizabeth, but she only liked him as a friend. You know. Ahha: "Winston Egbert, class clown of Sweet Valley High." I'm having trouble getting a good link but try googling "Winston Sweet Valley."
Dee,
If you like Tarek, you might want to consider the name Tarquin, the name of a couple of Roman kings. You have the "Tar" (rhymes with car) sound you like; plus, you get the more mainstream nickname Quin.
There's a bit of historical baggage tied to the name though, which may put some people off. Google it and you'll see what I mean. I wouldn't sweat it unless you work in the Classics Dept.
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