Every life is a series of choices and chances, paths taken and not taken. We can ponder the unknowables of who we would be, if. If we'd grown up in a different place, or a different time; if we'd chosen a different school or a different career; if we'd looked different, or even been a different sex. This last "if" has a special quality -- from the point of view of this blog, at least. Because for most of us, our opposite-sex alternate reality has a name.
Even in this age of ultrasound, most parents still consider both boys' and girls' names for each baby-to-be. In some families, the unused name is later given life in the form of a younger brother or sister. In many cases, though, the name simply lingers in parents' minds as personal connection, insubstantial yet meaningful. My husband and I had just-in-case boys' names picked out when our daughters were born, and I still feel a sentimental attachment to those names. On some level, they're still "mine"...and in that way, they belong to my daughters, too. But of course my daughters don't remember those names, and can only hear them as foreign to themselves.
In fact, my own alternate-sex, alternate-reality name feels just as foreign to me. I was taken aback when my mother informed me that if I had been a boy, I would have been named Evan. Now Evan is a fine name indeed. It even ranked as one of the most "likeable" of all names in my informal poll a couple of years back. But it doesn't feel like me.
It's a mind-bender of a question, "what name would suit you if you were the opposite sex?" That's a lot of layers of hypothetical to fight through. Yet it's clear to me that Evan's light, contemporary Celtic style doesn't fit my image of myself.
I can't help but wonder how much that is shaped by the name I have borne all of these years. Laura and Evan are very different in history and style. If I had lived my life as, say, "Megan," would Evan seem like a more natural masculine alter ego? And if so, does that mean that as a Megan, I would have a different sense of self?
Try the exercise yourself: think about what you would name your own opposite-sex identity today. Not necessarily the name you like best, but the name that feels most natural to you. How does it relate to the name you actually bear -- and, if you know it, to the name you would have borne in your parents' alternate reality?
Your Alternate-reality Identity
10/15/2008, 12:47PM
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Comments
Interesting topic! I would have been a Robert - a name I HATE! It would have been for a friend of my dad's who died instead of after singer Joni Mitchell (who I found out fairly recently was born Joan). I am "just" Joni, not Joan. I think Robert and Joni are TOTALLY different. Not sure what would have fit more. Jimi for a boy, ala Jimi Hendrix? Though there was already a James and Jimmy in my family. Probably Dylan would be a good style match for a boy... (ala Bob Dylan).
Dh would have been Sean Patrick instead of Joshua Andrew. His g-mom about had a heart attack when they said they were going with Joshua (??? Not sure the details about that) so MIL wickedly told her that if he was a girl it would be Rabina Shalome. LOL
DD#1 would have been Kylun. DS is Kylun. DDs #2 and #3 would have been Elias Jonathan which I still love.
I was born in 1969, and would have been Michael. Now, as Kira, the best male name I can think of for me is Kiran. I've known a couple of Kirans, who were both of East Indian descent.
my name is Laura too. I think I could have been happy as a Frances for a girl or maybe Drew if I was a boy. Or Charles.
I love that I see "Apollo" on here! That is the name I am giving to my son when I finally become pregnant. I think it goes with my name: Michelle!
I would have been George had I been born a boy (as my two sisters would have been). As kids growing up in the 1980s we thanked our lucky stars we were born girls and were spared the humiliation of that name, but now I think my mother had the right idea! And to be honest, I was none too pleased with the girl's name they actually gave me, which is Gretchen. I would have died and gone to heaven if in the sixth grade they'd let me rename myself Tiffani...
I am a Kristin but never really felt like a Kristin. When I introduce myself to people, it always feels strange to say my name, like it's not really mine. Kristin always sounded like a cheerleader name to me - it got reactions from boys, like they assumed certain things about me - perkiness? - just because of my name.
If I was a boy, I was going to be Michael, after my dad. I don't think I'd feel like a Michael either. My mom always wanted to name me Rebecca. I can't picture myself as Rebecca, but something like Becky is probably more me - rounder, familiar. People often tell me I remind them of someone else - I think I have one of those faces or something. And a "comfort food" type name might apply to me better than Kristin or Michael.
KRC,
Although these posts date back a few weeks, I hope you'll see this one and feel reassured! I have a 5-month-old daughter named Astrid, and it has truly been one of my biggest fears that either of my daughter's names will become trendy or common. Immediately after the airing of this episode of The Office, a few of my friends asked if I had seen it and made a joke about the mispronunciation of the name on the show, but honestly, I haven't heard a peep about it since, and I sincerely believe that this name remains, and will remain, seldomly known and used in this country. That said, J. Crew has an "Astrid" blazer in its fall collection--as well as an "Esme" wedding gown--my other daughter's name! So perhaps it is on a slight upswing. But from the surprised response I get from most people when I tell them my baby's name, I think we are both pretty safe, and I don't think the influence of The Office in this regard will be meaningful, if indeed there is any influence at all.
--Anne
I'm a Sharalyn Marie who would have been a Scott Milton and was actually supposed to be a Sharla Janae (thankfully, didn't end up that!). I don't really see Scott as a decent male version for me (and since that name was bestowed upon my younger brother who didn't survive).
I'm not sure what would be a better name for me. Surprisingly, I think I could have been a good Matthew (or Matt), Patrick (no nicknames), or James (nn Jamie, not Jim or Jimmy). They don't really have the same feel as Sharalyn, but I'm actually fairly generic.
Our son is Alexander James, and would have been Katheryn Elise if he had been a girl. The funny thing looking back is that we love the name Alexandra also, but never even considered it for a girl at the time! We fought over the middle name for Katheryn for 6 months before deciding. And Alexander was going to be Christopher until at about 8 weeks, both of us spoke up and stated that this baby wasn't a Christopher, it was an Alexander. :-) Surely, he was!
My name is Cailin. Had I been a boy I would have been my father's choice of Gunnar. I would personally feel like more of an Alex as a boy... then again that's my twin brother. Alex and myself are actually so much alike for being different genders. We are practically the same person but with different identities pertaining to our genders, yet we can cross gender lines just the same. Being the only girl in a family with two brothers made me tough. I can climb trees, skateboard and play video games endlessly though I do sway more towards fashion and "girly things" in my interests. However, Alex, growing up with all girl friends has given him an insight and a closer understanding of his own emotions. He's no wus, but he's sensitive. And I'm no Tomboy but I'm neutral.
I can't picture either of my brothers being their female names. Zachary would have been Caitlin (and that's how I became Cailin). Had I been Alex and Alex had been me would it be the same as it is now? I think I just mad it even more complicated.... TWINS!
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