In the supermarket checkout line, I overheard two 60-something grandmas talking about their kids' baby-naming dilemmas. Grandma One lamented that the parents-to-be ignored all her lovely suggestions, like Karen and Diane. Grandma Two shook her head at the whole complicated business, and reminisced:
"Back when my kids were born, I just told my husband what names I'd picked and he didn't interfere."
“Didn’t interfere.” I've talked to countless 21st-century expectant parents, and that is one sentiment I've never heard. Rightly or wrongly, it summons a vivid picture of that 1970s family...a picture that doesn't include a lot of late-night feeding and diapering on Dad's part. He wouldn’t want to “interfere” with his wife’s child-rearing. Most moms today wouldn’t stand for that, right? And yet…haven’t you heard a mom say something like this?
“I figure he gets the surname so I should get the first name, it’s only fair.”
“I’m the one who has to give birth, so I get the final say.”
or even…
“I just waited until I was deep in labor and he was feeling so guilty that he agreed to whatever name I wanted!”
I understand the impulse. Pregnancy and birth are huge undertakings, and it’s tempting to claim naming rights as part of your reward for a job well done. And yes, most kids do still bear their fathers’ last names. But moms, before you cut your partner out of the naming picture, think about what precedent you’re setting by declaring this first major parenting decision a solo domain.
The choice of a name is one of the first ways you bond with a child. Unlike choosing a stroller or decorating a nursery, naming makes you stop and imagine your child’s whole life to come as a member of your family. When the time finally comes to call your new baby by her name, the dream-turned-reality can be a magical moment. Moments like that are best shared. They’re building blocks of the affection that keeps you going through the ups and downs and long nights of parenthood.
Even a single mom might think about ways to share the joy of naming. Sure, it’s your decision. But letting loved ones into the decision process, letting them share the excitement, can help build your baby’s early connections with people who will be an important part of her life.
This not to say that you have to give in when you want the name Eleanor and your partner wants Ashley. Just think twice about going for the straight power grab. Finding common ground or negotiating a compromise on names sets a good precedent for the many decisions that lie ahead.
Sharing the Choice
06/17/2009, 9:01AM
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Comments
jenmn: What about Delphine? It's rarely used in the U.S. (I knew one in France), but I think it's gorgeous. Though it might remind some people of the flower delphinium, it's not actually derived from that word so it's not a flower name. I think Elise and Delphine would be lovely together.
i know a man named billy joe (yes, that is his actual name. don't even get me started). he went by b.j. probably through about age 13 or 14, at which point he started going by bill instead. i'm guessing the aforementioned reason was the catalyst for that change
jenmn:
I think Serena Violet is a very elegant name. Maybe Sunny for a nickname?
jenm - I know you've had suggestions already so excuse the inevitable repeats..
Naomi
Meredith
Catalina
Rhiannon
Dominique (I know a French/German child with this name. It stands out even in Europe, and it has really grown on me.) hey I just realized Minnie could be a nn for this..
Delilah
Francoise
Corinne
Felicity
not the most vowel heavy, but those all seem to have Ad, El, Anna, etc.
Oh, and jenmn, I also LOVE Juliet. Just not with Violet. :)
As an educator who's worked with students of all ages, from 3 to 63, let me weigh in on name longevity. In my opinion, parents should weigh how a name will fit their child throughout the course of his or her life. While "Mollie" is adorable for your new bundle of joy, how does it sound on a young attorney? A soccer mom?
Coll, I adore Cornelia too!
Ellen, I second your suggestion of Delphine for Jenmn - it is a superlatively beautiful name. On my list for baby girl #2, for sure :) Jenmn if you are after a Celtic/Gaelic name, then how about Neve (or the traditional spelling, Niamh) or maybe Sian (pronounced Shahn)? Other names I think work well with Elise are:
Imogen
Evelyn
Adele
Lydia
Chloe
Camille
Bethany
Viola
Narelle
Dahlia
Matilda/Mathilde
Sylvie
Maeve
Xanthe
Sabine
Hopefully something will jump out at you!
Rena is a perfect nickname of Serena.
I know 2 young girls named Rena (just Rena) and it's lovely.
Also, what came to mind in reading your list was Celia. Elise and Celia. Lisey and Ellie.
Jenmn-I copied and pasted your requirements and went to a few different sites and tried to find some ideas for you. Forgive me if they've been suggested/eliminated already.
Adrienne nn Addy/Renni/Ria
Bianca nn Bee/Anka
Camille nn Cammi/Lily
Cecelia nn Cece/Lia
Celeste nn??
Corinne nn Corrie/Rinn/Coco
Danielle nn Dani
Gabrielle nn Gabby/Bree/Rea
Madeleine nn Maddy/Lynn
Melina nn Mel/Lina
Monica nn Nicki
Natalie nn Nat/Allie/Talia/Tilly
Nicole nn Nicki/Coco
Valerie nn Val
Lorelei nn Lori/Leelee
Cassandra nn Cassie/Sandra
Keira nn Kiki
Lindsey nn Lindy
Marissa nn Mar/Rissy/Mary/Sasha
Sylvia nn ??
Samantha nn Sam/Sammie
Zaria nn Zee/Ria
Sorry for the long list. I listed nn's to give you some examples and tried to make them DH-friendly. I think they go nicely with your dd's name and some of the names you listed could be nice mn's. Hope something clicks!
I get really annoyed when I hear woman say that they get to choose cause they go through labour, Hubby and I have picked names together for our future children.
We've talked in the past about names for large families, and I recently came across an article about a woman who just gave birth to her 15th child. The kids range in age from newborn to 20, and the names (in order) are:
Jessica
Chad
Dalton
Austin
Bailey
Gage
Kaylee
Emma
Harper
Rebekah
Trevor
Walker
Morgan
Laura
Sawyer
An interesting mix, no? I kind of like the fact that each kid has their own initial - quite different from the Duggars. Fortunately they have a few to go before they start running out of letters!
Fascinating discussion here, thanks all.
For my own (yet-to-be-conceived) children I was very fixated on giving them a hyphenated surname (I have not changed my surname), but my partner dislikes hyphenated names and both our surnames require spelling, so I reluctantly gave up this option (and of course I said ‘fine, it can just have my surname!’), but he said he’d really like the child to have his surname. I said that if the baby was to get his surname, then I would want a much greater say in their first name, AND give my surname as one of their MNs. We’re both happy with this compromise.
I took hubby's surname, even though I'm very attached to my own surname. I think he would have been disappointed (although resigned to it) if I hadn't.
The other reason for my choice was stability. I personally think it is better for society that there be a uniform way of handing down last names, and it's fine with me that it be through the male line.
Current feminist theory notwithstanding, there's a reason I believe that THAT is beneficial. I tend to think that, societally, it ties the father more closely to the family unit, something that is desirable in terms of cultural stability... Please note this is strictly my personal opinion, not meant to denigrate others.
My favorite "Viv-" spelling is the lesser-seen "Vivien". It is every bit as traditional as "Vivian" (in fact, Vivien Leigh's name was spelled this way), but less fussy looking, perhaps, than "Vivienne"...
As far as surnames go, I prefer the Latin American system in which a baby gets both surnames, simply because it is uncomplicated and ties the child to both sides of the family. I know that lots of Hispanic children in the US have one name lopped off arbitrarily (often the child is referred to by the second surname here, which is not the child's family name), which is a shame. I like it from the perspective that alphabetization is not problematic (it's a mess here!), and family ties are prominent. It irritates me that García Márquez's books are always found in the "M" section of the library!
The anything goes system that we have going on now allows families greater freedom to prioritize their own values, but it's really hard to figure out who belongs to whom.
I was looking at the Telegraph birth announcements and found some interesting choices:
REED, to Sarah (née Rogerson) and Rupert, a son, Willoughby Peter Wreford, a brother for Natalia.
This one's for whoever wanted Hero!
COLVIN, to Henrietta and David, a daughter, Hero Charlotte Moranna.
Eo- thought of you when I saw this one:
MAYNARD, to Garnia (née Wills) and Matthew, a fabulous son, Otto Benjamin, a brother to Barnaby and Orlando.
Lots of you will like this one, I think:
SIMPKIN, to Emelye (née Frewer) and Paul, a son, Edward John Blenkarne, a brother for Clementine, Theodora and Henrietta.
Nature names:
SMITHER, to Katherine (née Bolshaw) and Tim, a daughter, Willow Agatha Rose, a sister for Daisy and Iris.
Unusual:
BENGUÉ, to Lucy Russell and John Bengué, two daughters, Thalia Françoise Jock and Céleste Margaret Alice, sisters for Ava Kiloran Raymonde.
Jock???
Several Caspars, Clementines and Henriettas. I think they must be NEs....
I can relate very much to MeganMarie--I researched names, their meanings, popularity, how they sounded with our last name, etc. and my husband vetoed all of the ones I chose.
With our son, he actually made a simple computer program, in which we each systematically compared each name in our "maybe I wouldn't veto" list, and then tried to choose the one that averaged out on top between the two of us. BAD IDEA!!! I still kind of regret the name we gave our boy. I'd rather that one of us LOVED the name.
How about Celeste? Both names have french origins, and both names conjure up notions of heaven and paradise.
I know a family with an Elise (older sis) and a Mary Claire for the younger sister. It took a while, but Mary Claire really grew on my. Elise definitely needs a classic sounding sister name for a perfect fit. If you are willing to be a bit more lose with the match, than most of the names on your list work well too.
Good luck!
Leafy-
I believe that the nn for Katarina is/should be Katia, which is lovely, and sounds nice with Elise; goes with but not the same sounds.
Say "Kaaah Teee ahh", good huh?
GL!
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