Best way to honor grandmothers?
My grandmother, to whom I was very close and admired a great deal, passed away weeks before I got pregnant. Her name was Helen Adda (though she dropped Adda and kept her maiden name as her middle name when she got married). My husband feels very strongly that he wants to use Elizabeth as a girl's middle name because it was his beloved grandmother's name (and is conveniently my other grandmother's name too, as well as my mother's middle name).
Anyway, my husband wants to name a daughter Helen Elizabeth, but I prefer Adda Elizabeth. Though I adored my grandmother, the name Helen sounds like an old woman's name to me, while Adda is kind of cute and different. Adda is a bit too different for my husband, and he rightfully points out that Adda wasn't "really" my grandmother's name (though Adda was the first name of my grandmother's grandmother, so it is a family name too).
Which should we choose? Or better yet, how can I get my husband to embrace my choice??
Sat, 09/08/2012 - 12:04am
Replies
Personally, I think he should get to choose how his grandmother is honored and you should get to choose how to honor your grandmother. That said, I also think both parents need to be comfortable with the name choice for the child, particularly the first name choice. It sounds like you aren't comfortable with Helen & he isn't comfortable with Adda.
You could try to make the argument that Adda is just another spelling of Ada, which ranked #494 last year. Granted, that's not really high, but Ada is rising. Husband's tend to think names are weirder & therefore more tease-worthy, so maybe you could convince him that you'd be on the front wave of a trend by using it on a baby now. You could also consider the ranking of Helen yourself. Last year, Helen was #427 which means it is being used on more babies than Adda or Ada. It seems like an old lady name to you because it belonged to your grandmother. But, to a lot of people, it might read more vintage-chic.
You could use Helen Elizabeth (which is lovely BTW-Helen is one of the few girl names my husband & I can agree on) and then give her a nickname that is more to your liking. Nell/Nella/Nellie, Elle/Ella/Ellie & Lena are all traditonal diminutives for Helen. You could also consider giving her one of these as the given name, though that might feel like diluting the namesake too much. In addition to the nicknames, Helen has the variants, Ellen, Helena & Elena. Do you like any of these better? You could also try using something like Adalaide, Adelina or Adele for the first name, and use Adda as the nickname. He might feel a little warmer if Adda was "only" the nickname.
You could consider switching and naming her Elizabeth Helen. A benefit of this would be lots of great nicknames for Elizabeth if you want one. Your grandmother moved her maiden to her middle, dropping Adda. Obviously, her maiden name was important to her-would it work for a first name? Or maybe you could copy your grandmother and use it for your daughter's middle name.
You could go a little more grandma inspired instead of a direct namesake. Think about things or places that remind you of your grandmother-are any of these name worthy?
Last, you could always decide to use honor names in the middle slot only and pick a totally new name for the first. But then you'd have to decide whose side to honor first, and what if you don't have another daughter?
I hate to say it, but Adda sounds like adder or addled to me, neither of which are words I'd want associated with my daughter. Ada or Adah, on the other hand, is lovely (or Adeline, Adalyn, Adelina, etc.).
Helen is no longer off limits for babies! I know of two Helens and a Helena, all under the age of 5. It's a beautiful name!
do you like any of the pronunciations of Helene (hel-leen), (hel-layne) or Helena (helen+a) like Helena Bonham Carter? they sound more modern and fresh to me, though i do know a 14 year old named Helen.
I think Helena Elizabeth could be a lovely choice, and not at all dated. It's true, though, that you have a lot of nickname options if you go with Elizabeth as a first name. I don't know if that's important to you or if the rhythm of Elizabeth Helen or Elizabeth Helene work with your last name.
I have to agree that Adda makes me think a little of addled or adder.
I actually like Helen, and Helen Elizabeth is a great combo IMO! Although out of style at this time, I think it would work well on a modern girl with the name's history (and stand out in a nice way). In fact I can see Helen being in the next wave of antique revivals (so although it sounds old to you it may actually be more ahead of her times to your daughter). Good luck!
So: how to get your husband to embrace your choice.
Obviously, you can't force it. You can't make anyone like anything that they don't like. But...when your husband has come around to things in the past, how does that happen? With mine, it works well if I lay out my case and my feelings and then let him think about it on his own for a while (where "a while" can be quite long -- it took him months to decide that yes, he did want to wear a wedding ring).
With yours, what works? Does he like lots of information and statistics? Would showing him name trends help? (I think "Adda" fits in nicely with a lot of the "antiquey" names right now.) What about appeals to emotion -- telling him how important it is to you and how happy it would make you? Does he like to talk things out, or think about them himself?
Wow, thank you to all of you for your very thoughtful replies - you have given me a lot to think about (including the fact that most of you prefer Helen!). I'll take this all into consideration, and who knows, maybe the answer will seem obvious when she is born. Thanks again!
I don't think Adda is too different, but I don't like the pronounciation (assuming it is ah-da, like the a in cat). Like others said, Helena Elizabeth is a lovely option if you don't want Helen (which I prefer much more than Adda). Ada Elizabeth is also lovely. Or Adeline Elizabeth, as another poster said. Choosing Helena (or Adeline) also gives your daughter her own name while still honoring the grandmothers, something that I really like.
Another option is to switch them: Elizabeth Helen or Elizabeth Adda (Or Eliza Helen, etc).
Since it is her first name and the one she will be called, I think it's important that both parents agree and feel good about the name.
You also have the option of giving your daughter two middle names to honor the grandmothers, but give her a first name that was picked just for her. But congrats on having a spouse who would consider Helen. It can be hard to get some men to agree to a name that doesn't sound like it belonged to the head cheerleader of his high school.
Helen is pretty, but I prefer Helena (Helen with an A). Adda is pretty, but the extra D is throwing me off a bit. Maybe your husband would prefer the Ada or Adah spellings?
Good luck.