Names You Earn
For a long time, I've felt that one of the great problems with names as they are presently given in society is that they're given at birth and unchanging. What if Rebecca no longer feels like a Rebecca? If I were king, I'd have a naming ceremony (say, at high school graduation) that allows a person (or those around him/her) to choose a name, now that he or she has a better idea of him/herself.
I once dated a woman who took on a nickname that was completely different from her real name, and uses that name socially and professionally. Also, people can get their names legally changed. Then, however, are the names that are bestowed on people by those around them, out of respect of what they have done; in essence, they have earned their name.
In the case of earned names, I'm thinking of names like Coach, Sarge, or Doc. These aren't given names, normally, but once adopted they are used like names. "You'll have to talk to Coach," you'll say, and everyone knows exactly who you're talking about. But you also can't just say, "Call me Sarge," without someone wondering about your credentials.
Does anyone have any example of earned or newly bestowed names in their experiences? Any thoughts about adopting new names in adulthood?
Fri, 06/15/2012 - 9:33am
Replies
I have a friend whose family has always looked kindly on a person's desire to go by a different name, no matter how old that person is. Since I've known him, I've seen one of his sisters (a child when I first met her and 20-ish now) go through three name changes and one of his brothers go through two. My friend himself was given a different name as a baby than the one he's gone by as long as I've known him, and he has yet a third name that he sometimes refers to himself as. I don't know if these name changes are legal (as in the case of filling out actual paperwork) or simply "common law" (as in a person's legitimate right to go by whatever name, as long as one isn't intending to be fraudulent). I've always been fascinated by this unusual practice -- I don't care for it myself, but it's fun to think of what I would change my name to, were I to have been one of his siblings. I've also been fascinated by his family's willingness to accept the new name without reservation. Claire, for example, comes to breakfast one morning and says her name is now Murphy. "Will you please pass the oj, Murphy?" is a typical response in this family, without batting an eyelash. Teachers and friends are informed of the change. Everyone is quite serious about it. Amazing. (Quite honestly, if one of my siblings did that, I'd laugh.)
I think it also raises the question of whether or not an age limit should be imposed on such a practice. To me, it seems strange for a 7-year-old to be able to change her name at will, given that her sense of self will likely change several times before adulthood.
My husband has said that if he could have chosen his own name, he would've chosen his dad's and been a Junior. He says his dad's name is his favorite boy name (and we gave it to our first son as a result, and in honor of his dad), and he doesn't care for his own at all -- he doesn't like how it flows with our surname, and he doesn't feel like a "HisFirstName." He would never change it though, both because he wouldn't want to suggest to his mom that his parents did a poor job (his dad died when he was a boy, and she would definitely see such a suggestion as a personal attack. As I think I would, if I were her, given that naming my kids is very important to me), and because he's not that kind of risk taker.
An earned name/nn my dad acquired in college was H00p, because he was good at basketball. To this day (40 years later), his college friends only call him H00p -- very nicknamey, so it gets around the issue of people wondering about his credentials if he were to introduce himself that way (most people who hear it now don't immediately realize the sports connection), but at the same time it's based on respect he earned as a good basketball player.
My husband's given name at birth was J@mes Her$chel Sh----. In Junior High, he got very into computers and the first bits of gaming online with friends (just those text things). He got a nickname of Gryph0n from one of them who saw it in a book (Griffin and Sabine), but my hubby decided to change the spelling to the "celtic" version since that's the heritage he identifies with.
When he left for college, he decided to make the switch (bad associations with his given name aided this decision). We can now, for the most part, tell which friends were met when as they either call him J@mes or Gryph0n. When we got married, there was long deliberations over name changes as in our state this is when you get one free name change to whatever you want.
I ended up taking my maiden name as a second middle, and he took Gryph0n as a second middle name. (FYI--we had to include J@mes Her$chel "Gryph0n" Sh---- on the wedding invites or half of his friends wouldn't have known whose wedding it was).
He started then professionally going by J. H. Gryph0n Sh----, but has since dropped the "H." professionally.
I was on stage crew in high school. Sometimes if a freshman or sophomore joined crew and shared a first name with an upperclassman/woman, the older folks got to rename the younger. From that day on no one on crew would call you by your given name and you had better get used to answering to the new one. They were never cruel names, one was George after Curious George, another was Huck, after Mr. Finn. Some of those folks went by those "new" names for years.
My husband decided to change his name when he was a sophomore in college. His given name, Kenneth Just!n, never felt quite right, and he despised the person he was named for (his dad's college roommate, who had been divorced five or six times and was an all-around scoundrel). He started calling himself Tom and Tom he's been ever since. Everyone calls him Tom now except for his mother, who still wrinkles up her nose and looks like she's eating something sour when she says it. His dad, sisters, and old friends call him Tom but sometimes say Ken if they're telling a story about his childhood. He never bothered to change his name legally, however.
My family didn't think this was at all unusual. My grandfather, Henn!ng William, always went by Larry (I have no idea why), and my mother, D0rothy Mar!se, is known exclusively by Bonny. My cousin, Raf@el Felipe, is called Pete by his friends.