missuzz

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August 31, 2014 02:01 AM

My heart is broken. My baby just graduated from highschool and turned 18. He, as it turns out was to be my only child. Perfect in every way. Smart, handsome, strong and loved by his peers. I am so greatful that he became such a wonderful young man. My story is of heartbreak and questionable  choices. The joyous time of choosing a name was not an option. Like the article says, I made a choice  to not choose. I am sensitve, empathetic and almost to eager to be unselfish. That part of me is still here. Although we were not married until my son was 4 months old to his father, it has not been acknowledged that I was the only one that could legally choose the name to be put on his birth certificate. So it began that day. He was named after his father and grandfather which made him a 3rd. The ultimate show of respect to my husbands family and any attempt to give him a sort of nickname like Trey was shot down as soon as it was learned it was my idea. I have lived this way for my sons whole life. My mother in law, as it has rescently turned out is beyond narcassistic, she is afflicted with the worst form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder possible and their family is not aware of this. They, including my husband deny any wrong doing by her. Ofcourse, because she ensures no witnesses to her abuse to me. Now for many years of pain and just wanting to be accepted, I realize that it is not possible, she wont let her nacassistic supply have any recognition. I am lucky that I am now able to understand and am picking up my pieces and helping a few others that are close to me and now I can recognize their pain. I said I was lucky, but only in the mental health way. I have changed into a different person on the outside, but the inside is capable of anything. With that I will never show regret to my son. His name has not made him the wonder child he is, I have a big part in his growth to a beautiful person. It is oh so painful to live that way, but one look at what he has become and I recognize it as a huge reward. They no longer matter because it is so clear what does. Can you believe it has only been two weeks since I decided to be done with that. I win.