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Congratulations! I am just thrilled for you, how exciting to finally get to use a girl name and what a beautiful choice. :D
Glad to hear she's done with drama for now and that you are both home and well. I love your description of the boys' attitudes ("that baby" made me laugh a lot) and as for which nickname will stick as the saying goes "a well loved child has many names"; no reason everyone has to end up with the same thing. ;)
I think ultimately only you can decide if the popularity of a name matters. I would say it's worth also considering if you will regret not using Oliver, especially if you expect this to be your last baby, as it sounds like you really like it. You are right that even the most popular name out there now has nothing on the most popular names of 30-40 years ago. Yes you will likely bump into a few other Olivers, and he may not be the only one in his class but that is not a massive deal (and could actually happen even if you choose a name much further down the popularity scale). If it helps I am in the UK where Oliver has been very popular for a lot of years and it doesn't feel like there are Olivers everywhere (I work as a nanny so I spend a lot of time at toddler classes/playgrounds/schools and while it's definitely a name you hear around it's not like I know 10 of them).
Oliver Harvey is a great name and sounds lovely with Iris (and I love that your daughter has a mn from your husband's side and your son would have one from yours) but I do think you have a really solid shortlist there so you can't go wrong really!
This completely. Unless you intend to call him by his both names a lot of the time then meaning easily trumps flow for a middle name; when was the last time anyone addressed you by your first and middle names only? For most people it almost never happens. Flow of first and last name is far more important than first and middle.
I also agree with austindillon that for me both Elijah and Miles sound fine paired with Rollie but Theo doesn't work as well (I think because of the -o ending it merges a bit), so if you were stuck between names you could use Rollie as a tie-break but if there ends up being one name you really love I'd go ahead and use it regardless of how well it matched.
Thanks for the update! Francis Xavier is a great name, I'm glad your brother in law was able to get past his association and everyone is happy.
Funnily enough I knew a man named Francis Xavier once and he went by his initials as a nickname (F.X.) but he was French so it was the French names for the letters which run together sounds like Effiks. I always though they were fun initials though, especially if he happens to get into computers/design.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.
Honestly I think it would be a heavy burden for a child to grow up with the name of a deceased sibling, even more so in this case as she would be a girl with a clearly masculine name which means she would likely be asked fairly often why that name was picked and would have to explain it. I think using Kyle or a feminine version of it in the middle spot would be a perfect honour/link to your son, and as middle names are not widely used in everyday life it would be more private for her and allow her to control when and who she told the story/meaning to.
If you are determined to make it her first name then I would agree with suzanne and urge you to use the female version of Kyla (or Kylie if you prefer) because I don't think it detracts from the honour but it gives her a name that is more her own (doesn't have the emotional baggage of being the exact name of her brother who passed) and also will not invite questions from friends or random strangers that she might not want to deal with.
If you can be relaxed about alternative pronunciations I like Lucia best of your original list, it's very pretty and fits well with your other children's names.
Paloma I love, I would be thrilled to meet a little girl with that name. Like you say it is unique and beautiful and yet it won't be difficult for people to pronounce or spell which is kind of the holy grail of names for me.
Olivia is a beautiful name and I think it would fit really well with your set but it has been so popular here for so long (I'm in the UK where it's been in the top 5 girls names for the last fourteen years and the top 10 for the last twenty) that it's hard for me to be excited by it.
I don't hate Dylan for a girl but I would definitely rank it at the bottom of your options, and I think Emily made a good point about "matching" it if you think you will have more children in the future.
I like Elena a lot, I don't think the pronunciation would be that big of a deal (as in it's easily corrected) but you would definitely need to be able to have a polite/happy attitude about it so it is worth considering if you think it would drive you nuts.
Of your other choices my top ones would be Noa, Johanna and Robin but I don't dislike any of them, I think it's a strong list. I don't find Robin dated; I know a 2 year old Robin (girl) which probably helps make it feel fresh to me but I think it fits in fine with the general nature-names trend.
I really dislike the look of Robin spelled with a y (Robyne is even worse, it makes me want to say it "Ro-BY-nuh"), but then I never could get on board with the idea that putting a y in a name made it 'girl'. Plus if some of the attraction to the name is the link to the bird and the nature-vibe I think you spoil that by changing the spelling.
Both Eliana & Evelina and Ellie & Evie are too similar for me to think they make good sibling names so my vote would be for Vivienne. It's possible you love the nickname Evie so much precisely because it reminds you of Ellie which you obviously already have very positive feelings for with it being your daughter's nickname.
I really like Juliette Maeve, I like it in full and you could also shorten it to Julie Mae or Etta/Ettie Mae which is super cute. Juliette Iris would be my second favourite and then Juliette Roisin third because I like Irish names and I enjoy the contrasting styles. Catherine, Rosemary and Rose are all just a little bit too used to be interesting to me, although there's nothing wrong with them.
I am one of those people who have never heard the name before and I don't see anything wrong with it. I will say with no prior associations from the look/sound it does 'read' more male to me but I don't think that means you shouldn't use it for a girl and the history of use is decidedly female; I would however do as a few other people have suggested and use a completely non-ambiguous name in the middle spot so that your child could use their full name if they wanted to make their gender clear.
I also don't have a problem with Afton as a sibling to June, they both have a vintage feel and I think the amount of love you have for the name will far outweigh any negatives; by which I mean that in my opinion how much a child likes their name depends a lot on how their parents talk about it/the story they are told about it. If your future child is aware of how special their name is to you they will likely be happy with it on that level even if they don't love everything about it. Plus as others have already said in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter how well sibling names "match". It's one of those things that can be a useful criteria if someone is picking between multiple names they love but shouldn't be used to rule out the one name you absolutely love, unless of course the pair is too matchy or problematic in a different way (eg if the name you loved was Joan then that would be reasonable to be ruled out by June or if you'd named a son Adam and loved Eve for a girl).
I think James, Leah and Miles works really well as a sib set and the biblical thing would not have occurred to me at all (but in fairness I am not a religious person).
I actually wouldn't blink at the combination of James, Leah and Wesley either, I really don't think it's that "out there". Miles probably does fit a tiny bit better though and it sounds like you are happier with it which is the main thing.
Oh yes I meant to say that she could use a different nickname for Henry. I like Harry but think Hal fits a bit better with her cute-but-old-man vibe.
I will confess I didn't know the reference for Oscar and Felix, I had to google it. That is definitely not as bad as it isn't a reference that would ever occur to their friends as children (or likely even as teenagers/young adults).
I couldn't do it myself but if they're willing to adopt a very cheerful, laid back attitude I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. For me it helps that Jerry is older and they're not aiming to use Tom (although it's very possible that he would end up being Tom with friends or colleagues it's at home/with family where they will most often be referred to as a set and it shouldn't be a big problem to get family members to stick to Tommy or Thomas).
When you say that her husband does not like Francis/Frankie is it both names he dislikes or just one? Because she could compromise on a slightly different long or short version if it's only one he objects to.
I do think it would probably be better to go with Henry for this little one, and if they end up with a third boy then there will be a buffer between Jerry and Tommy. I actually don't think Hank and Frankie would be a problem as nicknames; they don't rhyme because of Frankie having the extra -ee sound (Jerry, Hank and Frank is too close but Jerry, Hank and Frankie is fine I think; and if it takes until number 4 Jerry, Hank, Tommy/girls name and Frankie no problem at all).
I would say that any long, flowing feminine name would "go" best, although it would probably only be jarring if you went for something very short and spiky and/or unisex. For example if you fell in love with the name Clara while it doesn't have the length of the others it still has the femininity and soft sound so I think it would be fine in the set, whereas a name like Skye or Taylor doesn't match on any level and would give a very "one of these things is not like the others" vibe. But it is unlikely you would fall in love with such a name anyway as you clearly have a style.
I put your girls' names into the name matchmaker and the results from the first few pages that struck me as sounding best in the group are all French based: Vivienne, Marguerite, Eloise, Elodie. More in line with Josephine (flowing version of male name) I'll also suggest Henrietta and Thomasina.
As far as feeling like you've used all your favourite names you still have a fair amount of time so you could take a break from actively searching for names for a while and just see if any names grab your attention in that time. Or if you want to go the other way with it you could try looking through name lists and noting down any names that you like at all, without worrying about any other factors like how they go with your older girls, spelling issues etc. Getting a long list of names you like might make you feel more positive about being able to find one you love. You could also try looking at names (first and middle) of any family members or friends who are especially important to you and see if any of them spark an idea because having a personal connection could help you fall in love with a name that you otherwise would have only liked or even been neutral on.
I pretty much agree completely with Emily. Theodore is my favourite on its own and happily also the one I think matches Josephine best so that would definitely be my first pick. Robert is not a name I love but it is a solid classic, suits your style and the novelty of meeting a baby named it (where I am Theodore is way more popular than Robert) makes it more pleasing and pushes it up the list for me. Thomas is sweet and sounds nice with Josephine, although for me it's only just above Alexander in terms of how bored I am by it/how pleased I'd be to encounter a baby with that name.
I also have to agree with Karyn that Luke Carey really does not flow well at all for me (the K at the end of Luke slurs into the C at the start of Carey to make it sound like Luke-airy) and it would bother me enough that I'd veto that one.
Congratulations! That's a great shortlist and I don't think you could really go wrong with any of them. My personal preference would put Violet first with Alice a very close second, and then Eliza last purely because I find Eliza the most tongue-twisting to say with Leo (possibly because they both have strong E and L sounds).
I feel like Alec has a very similar feel to Jack but I actually find them difficult to say together I think because of the hard 'k' sound at the end of both, I find myself tripping over them. Of course that may not be a problem for the OP/other people.
It doesn't sound crazy at all, I've known other people have the same thing; I think sometimes when you've had a name picked for a theoretical baby for a long time it can feel odd to transfer it to an actual real baby.
If you're worrying that you rushed the choice and didn't consider other names then I can't see anything wrong with having a bit of a search now (obviously keeping Declan on the list); if you find a different name that makes your heart sing then great but if you keep coming back to Declan or finding fault with every other name then you will know Declan really is the one for you. You could try something simple like you and your husband each look through the top 1000 boy's names (or say from #50-#800 if you don't want anything super popular or unusual) and mark any that appeal to you and then compare lists to see which you have in common; any name that makes both your lists goes on the long list and then you can look again at that list to see which stand out for you.
Some other names with Irish origin that I think would not be a struggle for most people to pronounce and may appeal to you: Lorcan, Brendan, Cian, Finley/Finlay, Conall, Ryan, Connor (those last two may be too popular for you?)
I think Miles would go really well in the set. Wesley would not strike me as odd or out of place at all so I absolutely think that would work too but something about Miles just has that extra snap for me. I think it says a lot to recommend them if they "just feel good" to you, I am a firm believer on trusting your gut on this kind of decision; if it feels right then I think you're unlikely to have any name regret down the line.
You could totally still have a biblical name in the middle spot (Peter could be perfect there) so you have that link with the older two, and then if you do go on to have more children after this one your options really are wide open.