Name belonging to your baby but not a fan?

This is really weird, but have you ever had the experience where you felt a name just belonged to your baby but you weren't quite ready to except it yet? Like you knew it was her name but even though you liked it you didn't love it yet.
If this has happened to you, did you end up falling in love with the name?


May 3, 2013 3:11 AM

I've had the experience of not being able to accept the name but it was due to extreme uncertainty and indecisiveness.  I wish I had experienced a feeling that either of my children's names "belonged" to them but I never did.  I was changing my mind up until the final moments of filling out the SS forms.  With my son I felt at peace immeidiately after we named him.   With my daughter I had doubts for several months. Mostly because we have a long German last name with 10 letters, and we named her Alexandra.  I felt guilty about giving her such a long name.  But now she goes by Alex and it really suits her.  

May 3, 2013 11:10 AM

Yes. My DD was one that my husband and I couldn't agree on a name for her at all. We had a boy name picked out, and the anxiety (for me) escalated once we found out she was for sure a girl. Hubby was stuck on a name we couldn't use (for multiple reasons), yet wouldn't discuss other options without acting childish by sticking out his tongue or saying, "Gross!" or the like. 

I finally had a breakdown one evening after he shot down everything on my list (20 potential other names). He realized it was causing me tons of stress, so we sat down and talked about it. He reiterated his love for this name. I reiterated that I loved the name too, but couldn't for the 5 reasons I had. He didn't agree with my reasons, but admitted that it was a laundry list that added up to unusability for me. So he agreed to look for other names. He came up with the same 3 other names, all of which I can't stand at all.

Finally, we sat down with Nymbler. We each plugged in our top 3 names, then made a list of all the names we could *tolerate* on our daughter. Four hours later, one popped up that I liked, so I went to "X" it out as I just assumed my husband would hate it (as 4 hours later, we still only had a list of 4 names, 3 of which I only tolerated and one of which he only tolerated). He stopped me and said, "I really like that one!" I just stared at him. We decided to name her that as we both really liked the name. However, it was not a name that was even on my radar before that moment as I had mentally crossed it off thinking he wouldn't like it at all.

It took time for me to grow accustomed to the name and claim it. By the time she was 2 weeks old, she owned that name and had let us know her nickname from it (we had 4 potentials we liked). Now I can't imagine her as anything else AND I love her name. We did go through 4 middles before one stuck--the one my husband had originally wanted for her first name, but with the alternate spelling. ;-) That also took time for me to grow accustomed to as while it was on the radar, it just seemed a little odd, and with a 4 syllable first name, I had wanted a 1 syllable middle while hers is 2 syllables. But again, she owns it, and it has even snuck in with her nickname regularly (nickname for the middle used as her whole nickname).

May 6, 2013 10:07 AM

Yes.  My older child has a name that also belongs to my ex-fiance (which has resulted in some confused questions about whose son he is, despite being born 12 years after that relationship ended).  It is also my husband's grandfather's name, you see.  We had several long discussions about this when I was pregnant and considered using the grandfather's middle name, but eventually I said I thought I'd be able to deal (it helps that I always liked the name and had some other associations with it that are pleasant). 

We went into the delivery room with two possible names for a boy, and it was obvious when Ray was born that he was a Ray, that he looked like his great-grandfather, that it just WAS his name.

It took me months to stop flinching when I said it.  It was his name!  It fit him!  It was perfect!  I just...had to deal.  I had to stop thinking of it as "ex's name" and that wasn't easy, but I tried very hard to dismiss that association whenever it came up in my mind.  "It's not his name, it's MY Ray's name, my little sweet baby Ray..." Almost like cognitive-behavioral stuff -- interrupting and acknowledging the negative thing, but redirecting to the positive thing.

I'm still not 100% comfortable, almost 4 years in, but it's a lot better now than it was. 

June 26, 2013 7:02 PM

My daughter's name is Sylvia. I had wanted another name, but my husband was adament that that one wasn't it. Neither of us were overjoyed with the name Sylvia at first, but it felt "right". I doubted it for a few weeks after she was born, but I think that was just part of getting used to this new little person. She's 4 now, and I can't imagine her as anything BUT Sylvia. That's her and it suits her.

We're due in a couple months with a boy and we *think* his name will be Felix or Linus. I worry that it isn't right, but I know he'll grow into it just like Sylvia did. We just have to get to know him.

June 27, 2013 11:01 PM

I hope this happens to us. Picking a name this time is so hard and nothing just feels right. I am hopeing that once she is born it will click.

June 29, 2013 5:13 PM

I kind of felt the opposite. We had decided on a name, I accepted what her name was. I loved the name, even! But when she was born, it didn't quite look like her. There was no click, no recognition. The name we chose was longish, flowy, and had me envisioning blonde ringletts and patent black shoes. Of course, I calmed myself, thinking "The child is squishy, patchy, wrinkled, has goop over her eyes and a rotting stump belly button, nothing is going to click just yet..."

Now my daughter is a little older, and her hair is starting to come in (although her ears stick out comically!) and it is easier for her to be recognized as female and it fits her a little better. I have never felt namers regret but I do think growing into "Aurelia" will take some time. Maybe five years, maybe fifteen. We substitute Raelee until then. It fits her, even if she never grows into -- or never chooses to -- Aurelia.

By hyz
July 1, 2013 10:50 AM

This is funny, and reminds me of a comment I read once (likely here), that unless the name you selected means "red and wrinkly", it is not going to be a perfect fit for your baby the minute s/he's born. I know other people seem to have the experience of thinking their baby "looks like" this name or that when they're born, and they like to go into the delivery room with a few names on the list to see which fits best, but that doesn't really work for me. We have gone in with "the" name each time, and have felt that the kids grew into them perfectly as they got older and started to show their personalities.

July 3, 2013 2:32 PM

Funnily enough, yes. When I started dating my husband, we had a conversation about kids because I felt if the guy I'm with doesn't want them, that's a deal breaker and I'd rather know before I get too invested. He most definitely wanted them and already knew that if he had a son, his name would be Lincoln. Well...he originally said he was going to name his son Lincoln Gannon, which I immediately told him would NEVER happen because Gannon was awful and even worse paired with Lincoln. He then countered and said as long as he gets Lincoln as the first name, he didn't care about the middle name. I figured we could discuss this when and if we made it as a couple and got pregnant. 

When that time came, my husband was like a dog with a bone. Lincoln was the ONLY boys name he would even discuss and every time I tried to mention girls names, his response was "We don't have to talk about them because we're having a boy." (This, mind you, was BEFORE we knew the sex.) I had fallen madly in love with the name Nathaniel and really wanted to name our baby boy Nathaniel James. James was actually my #1 choice, but my husband said he didn't like it enough to use it as a first name. My husband's reaction to my suggestion was "We can name him Lincoln Nathaniel James." To me, that was just TOO much. So I finally conceded and said we could name our boy Lincoln James and I would call him LJ.

We did, indeed, have a boy; and we did name him Lincoln James. I wasn't IN LOVE with the name when I delivered him, but I felt like the meaning was just SO special - we'd given him both of our favorite names. And not even a month later, I realized that Lincoln was the PERFECT name for him. Nathaniel just wouldn't have fit him. And I never really called him LJ. It's always been Lincoln, Linc, or Lincy (link-ee). He's two now and I'm so in love with his name, I can't stand it. I really do feel like it was the perfect fit for him.

(I'm also incredibly happy we didn't have a girl. Because while I liked our girls name option at the time, it's not even on my radar now!)